How to tell if someone is authentic and genuine ~ skin in the game

Know what makes you truly happy?

Being honest with yourself about all of it. Listen to that little voice we so often choose to ignore when we want an outcome stronger than we want a wisdom based outcome.

Being honest with ourselves means, we also know we may not get what we want ~ that friend may not be a genuine friend ~ the job may be what we need while waiting for what we want ~ … strike that, change it up a bit … the job may be what we have while working toward what we want.

In order to live the life that we decide is meant for us, we have to make tough decisions that others will not understand.

If we have been in any sort of darkness (trauma, major life change, chemical imbalance in the brain, grief, … etc.) our inner voice has been sitting in a rain storm for quite a while. It may not be in the mood to tell you what you want to hear. Especially when, you’ve ignored it every time.

Good news! It will take you back. Give yourself permission to make up with your own inner voice. Trust it. It knows what’s good for you. You are after all, the one who gets to decide if you truly, actually, authentically WANT to be happy.

We trauma bond to what is familiar. If you’ve been living under that rain cloud of trauma for so long, that’s all you know, the alternative is going to be terrifying.

Trusting others. Trusting your own judgement. Intuition just went on vacation until you decide to get your life back. Until you WANT your life back.

When we take those first baby steps back to realizing that we too deserve happiness, it’s scary as hell! That fear? It’s an illusion unless there are actual terrorists and horrible people who vow to hurt you out there, it’s a mental game that’s been played on you.

Take the step.

If they are genuine and authentic friends, they will be happy for you and support you how they can.

If they are upset that you are changing your life for the better, they will try to pull you back in ~ they will be mad at you ~ they may stop talking to you or worse, they will join in the chorus of those who are mocking you for your new and improved life.

Take the step anyway.

We lose people when we choose to live our best lives.

It hurts.

We aren’t being taught or teaching people how to be comfortable with pain. Emotional, psychological, mental, spiritual, financial, social, and yes, physical pain.

I don’t want you to be comfortable with it to the point of you staying there. That’s not what I mean. I want you to be comfortable enough to process it, so you can learn from it and then, use it as a catalyst for moving toward your highest potential self love.

When we don’t fear pain ~ we don’t fear that unknown.

Get in the game.

The scariest concept out there right now. Other people will not know that you are walking around … terrified of your own thoughts as you try to interact like someone who never experienced pain in the first place.

They have no idea that you are a warrior, capable of great and mighty kindness, love, altruism, humor, joy, and abundance.

We are social creatures. We sort of need people, but social media tries to trick us into thinking we need thousands or worse, millions. That’s just not true. We only need one or two really good and trusted people.


‘Ain’t it a b*tch when we’ve been betrayed so horribly in the past?

Yeah it is. Healing from betrayal is the very worst hurt out there.

Trust that the new, good, genuine and authentic people will understand that and they will be patient with you. If not? It won’t hurt so much to walk away from them. Keep them at arms length until you find the right ones.

Most of all, trust yourself that you are worthy of all the good things in life.

Still ~ as they say in sports ~ you’ve got to put some skin in the game in order to win at life.

Plenty of people offer that advice, but how many of them have lived through the darkness that you did and came out winning on the other side.

Next time? I’ll talk about all the wonderful things about you that you, my mighty warrior winner have because you lived through darkness.

(c) K. Aren Henry Miller @inkhoneypub @happinessnoir

*this is a slice of wisdom pie from my new book … TBA*

Happy Black Cat Day, 2021!

Published by happinessnoir

Writer | Advocate | Free Range Female | Change Agent | Essayist

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