Fear is a profit margin. An advantage. Leverage. It can be fired.

Fear. The most used control leverage that humans have on one another. The news uses it to sell their stories. They expand on the fear, yet, detract from all other aspects of the story.

Photo by Teona Swift on Pexels.com

Mates and partners use it to control the other. They can and often times are each other’s best friend, but there are millions more who use fear of betrayal to lie and manipulate. I work with the survivors of that trauma. Yes. Trauma.

Companies use it to push our human brain into thinking if we don’t have “stuff”, we will be missing out on being accepted by the human tribe we belong to. Our society loves their stuff. If you own the stuff, you are one and if you don’t own stuff, they quickly reject you for your lack of stuff. If you own the newest “stuff” then they follow you. Ah, and if you own the most “stuff’, you are the one they are following, even if you are not a qualified leader.

We fear how we look.

We fear aging.

We fear gaining weight.

We fear our own narrative and story.

We fear not fitting in.

We fear each other.

We fear standing out.

We fear failing.

We fear success.

We fear our thoughts, our values, and even the deity we believe in.


Because the social constructs since the dawn of time have conditioned us to believe that we have to follow the crowd in order to exist as a human.

What happens when we end our fear cycle, that is a control cycle, that is our cage?

We become free range humans who get to live as we choose, where we choose, and how we choose. That is not accepted by the general population.

UNLESS … (there are always conditions, right?) …

Unless we are exceedingly fit and beautiful

Unless we are very wealthy

Unless we are avant-garde artists at the mega celebrity status and even then, that one teeters on how willing we are in being the golden calf. Some fall.

The reality is ~ even those people are fearing being found out that they are only human after all.

Here’s to celebrating our chubby bits ~ our wrinkles and aging process ~ our money challenges ~ our imperfections ~ our ugly bits ~ our quirky, weird, idioms ~ our ability to be gloriously alone in our own world, living our best life.

When we make peace with our fears, we become more ourselves and when we are ourselves, we are the essence of what it is to be human.

Every single human on this planet is living in their own private heaven or hell. It’s easier to fit in but it is so much more interesting to stand out.

The happiest people on the planet are those who fully accept and respect, love and cherish their own imperfect life as is. They aren’t here for anyone else, but they care about everyone else. They aren’t out there trying to prove their value. They know their worth.

They can be alone ~ or ~ they can work with others. They don’t compromise themselves for the comfort of others, but they are not psychopaths or sociopaths who don’t care about others.

Happy people will say, “this does not work for me” and walk away.

Happy people who lived through trauma will say, “I’m going to process this, think about it, evaluate it’s significance in my life”, then walk away more slowly, as their every move reminds them of their scars.

Both ways work. Not all happiness is the same.

What is the same is that we are born. We die. Everything else in the middle is unique to the user.

Fear is the realist warning light we have ~ it’s the check engine light of our soul.

Check in with yourself from time to time. Is someone out there trying to manipulate you into being afraid of your own thoughts. Kick that asshat to the curb. There is no room in your life for them. There’s also a good chance that if they are wrecking havoc with your panic buttons, they have their own fair share of fear. Why else would they be trying to control everyone else around them.


K. Aren @happinessnoir @Inkhoneypub (c)

  • I have a twitter ~ I don’t use it much but it’s there. Slowing adding in the social bits and media whatnots ~ I’ve been cyber bullied to the point of fear … 3 times. Once as far back as before Twitter was invented. I don’t fear them any more. F*ck those people.
  • ;
  • I say this for all who are suffering the debilitating blow of being cyber bullied … seriously, tell the digital terrorists to f*ck off ~ then own your story. Facing your bullies by living your best life takes work, but it is possible.

Keep going.


I write bi-monthly for The Positive Psychology People

I also share resources for those who are doing battle with their psychological health on my FB pages ~ helpers and healers, info. and other assorted disseminated material. All on Facebook for @HenryHealingPOV and @Inkhoneypub

Photo by Brett Jordan on Pexels.com

Published by happinessnoir

Writer | Advocate | Free Range Female | Change Agent | Essayist

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