Doing battle w/this new format ~ I’m not happy but only because …

I want an easy, breezy, carefree life.

One that is complication free.

After thirty years of fist fighting my way through choosing all the wrong people, places and career paths ~ my goal is to live simply, honestly, consciously and drama free.

From The Mind’s Journal

With that said, I started this blog on this WordPress site without really knowing how to use it ~ I write another blog on WordPress for someone else, but they have a tech expert who helps navigate so it’s super easy.

If I have a problem, I contact them, and bam ~ problem solved.

Not here in my me-myself-and-I state of working for myself.

I’m not happy ~ with it or myself.

I want to hit that easy button (which still works, BTW, after 15 years of using it once upon a time when I was teaching).

I think you can still buy them at Staples, the office supply store.

I don’t want to hire someone to come do my tech stuff and I don’t want to have to ask for favors or in exchange for services at all.

I put up writing boundaries so I could concentrate on ONLY writing, but here I am, on a Saturday morning, thanks to the crazy cat house I live in ~ up at 4 am … they can’t wait to be awake any longer than that and I … am not happy.

Ironically ~ I also know that the only person who can fix all of these 1st world problem easy fixes … is me.

Damn it! I hate to hold myself accountable but alas … that is the only option.

*sigh*

I’m not happy that I did this to myself.

All of it. New blog. New cat. New city. New state. New life. New people. New job (sort of.. new version of the old job) and all of it Uncomfortable.

It’s easy to “want” something like a whole new life ~ it’s not easy to execute it. That part takes work. It would be totally elitist of me to say, “don’t like something, move, you’re not a tree” fork that person in their financial privilege that moving is so easy for them. It’s not for everyone.

I do covet the fact that I will never forget the feeling of being forced into living in a place in exchange for being able to keep my kid at home ~ divorce wars.

I do covet the fact that I have almost 40 years of adulthood that offers me permission to say whatever the fork I want to. Free Range Female (podcast, maybe YouTube again if I learn how to make THAT more comfortable).

That’s it though, isn’t it?

New things take time

New things take our attention

New things need cultivating and are never easy. The easy is the reward. The simplicity is the art form.

No artists who creates simplicity does so without a great deal of practice and effort in the beginning.

All beginnings require other emotions ~ like frustration; anger; mess ups; patience; do-overs; failures; more cuss words or other assorted stress relievers; more frustration and finally, as we birth our new idea into the world ~ freedom.

I decided to consciously NOT hide my mistakes. Too many people on social media make everything look like it was perfect right out of the starting gate. It was and is not.

Nothing worth having is easy or comfortable.

Flaws, imperfections, mistakes, failures, and even ugly bits … all take time.

So?

I’m going to take my time and publish this with all her flaws. I’ll learn, change it, teach myself, master it and then, keep publishing it.

It’s the only way to truly learn. I’ve been a self help do-it-myself person my whole life.

I’ve made some massive mistakes. So what? We all have.

Now ~ back to being human

One day ~ I’ll have an authentic life and that is 1000% more precious to me than a social media perfect one.

K. Aren @happinessnoir @Inkhoneypub

Published by happinessnoir

Writer | Advocate | Free Range Female | Change Agent | Essayist

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