Irish Proverb (so I’m told)

If you believe it to be true ~ it is true. Is that true?

Raise your hand if you’re sick and tired of the watered down version of positivity.

Grabbing coffee ~ hold on …

Photo by Pratik Gupta on

Where was I? Ah yes, the “think positively movement”

Of course it’s an amazing magical moment when you believe something into existence. It sparks the whole, “what came first, the chicken or the egg?” debate.

You believe yourself as the person you want to be, then it aligns with those thoughts ~ ‘it’, being your manifested destiny.

That’s a grand and wonderful life to be celebrated.

Of course, there’s the darker, seedier side of that.

The whole, “you have to blame yourself for every single thing that happened to you.” which leaves a great deal to be desired.

Accountability for what comes next ~ yes. Blame and Shame ~ feck that.

There is a great deal of reality checking arguments about that. Just ask a victim of a violent crime.

To believe that we can have the life we want is a wonderful sentiment that can come true, but it means we have to work for it. It doesn’t just show up.

Unless of course, you have parents and angel investors who make it happen for you. The privilege of that is abundant in every field. Including the fields I worked in for decades.

People who inherited their parent’s fame or, people who inherited their parents fortune only to go on and make that leverage into their own cushion. It’s a hell of a lot easier to create the life you always wanted.

That doesn’t mean you’re happier. We’ve seen that time and again.

The people who carefully craft an online presence that makes them look as if they are model ready, wealthy and desirable are the real tricksters. They pretend there’s not a care in the world. The world wants what they have, so the world gives them “likes” which in today’s market is currency.

I love the idea of being positive.

The word “positive” like the word, “happy” is over used and overrated. It sells books. Shit, it sells toothpaste and caskets. I’ve seen both on billboards. Nausiating.

I lived in the reality of sitting across from people in real pain, dreaming of that positive life that always somehow eludes them.

I’m not the only one ~

The Psychology Group, Fort Lauderdale FLA

It’s like a never ending loop of junior high school mean girls. Only today, they are bait memes. That’s how we guilt people into feeling bad about their real feelings.

How else did the super wealthy family of a Hollywood lawyer make themselves into billionaires? A team of brilliant marketers; a ferocious negotiating mom-boss and a carefully orchestrated global presence of having what everyone else wanted. Step up all around.

In other words, a healthy combination of envy, greed and jealously all stirred in with a hella lot of plastic surgery to make them look picture perfect + family and friend financial plan.

Except, when you see them without makeup, they are more beautiful. When we see them suffer, they are more relatable.

~I’d rather know an authentic mess than an unreal internet diva (male or female) who is a shitty person in real life~

I think they are brilliant in that they turned some family drama into a billion dollar industry. It’s not my business to judge them. They make it everybody’s business by selling themselves in exchange for profits.

I’m always happy to see people live a successful life.

I wouldn’t want it. I didn’t like making a YouTube Vlog for a week. I can’t imagine that life for myself.

In some ways, it has to suck to be that “on” all the time.

Is it possible that we have created a culture of forever wishing we had something we didn’t, instead of being happy just as we are?

Why is Bridget Jone’s Diary so beloved by millions? But also hated by millions more?

Bridget is a relatable klutz who is delightfully imperfect. She meets the schmuck who is also adorable. You haven’t lived until you made that mistake. She also meets that solid guy who to the outside world, is impossibly judgmental when in truth, he’s simply emotionally stunted.

Who do we love more? The adorable bad boy or the adorable shy guy?

Which one will be happier or help her to be happier? The whole pull of the movies and books ~ what makes Bridget happy?

Women want a bit of both. It’s how every RomCom ever written has been popular since Jane Austen ~ or Shakespeare!

Collin Firth, Bridget Jone’s Diary

All humans want our lives to be as easy, breezy, beautiful as a movie, but some have to work hard at it, while others just die the coat strings of others. The great movies make us work for it.

Ironically, it’s the folks who are handed their perfect who end up less satisfied with their lives.

If we believe that we are Kardashian worthy, can’t we also live in our messy hair and sweatpants? Comfortable in our natural faces, without feeling self conscious about our wrinkles of pimples?

Can’t we also love their success, without being critical of others?

Can’t we be fully content with who we are in the organic, yoga studios without wearing the tightest spandex or sexy arm sculpting bendy tops? Won’t our Hanes Her Way t-shirts be enough?

Can’t we also be accepted as beautiful, if we carry extra weight, or some other phenomenon that deems us less worthy in work or life?

The answer is ~ in theory, yes. We can love and be loved; wear what we like and accept as well as be accepted ~ under conditions.

Image: Lucille Ball quote on Goalcast

We can but we have to have titanium armor around our confidence level to the point where it scares the flock just a little bit.

A truly confident woman (and men I suppose, but I’m not one, so can’t write from the male perspective) ~ a truly confident woman won’t have as many friends ~ or “likes” by the masses because she’s too busy living her own life as is. The masses won’t know what to do with her if she dances to the beat of her own drum.

She will believe it and it will be so, but she will also have to sacrifice the weight of the opinions of others.

A person who is a critical thinker will notice the nuances and care more about absorbing new skills over being liked or popular. She will help without boasting about it and she will never take a picture of a person less fortunate than her to add it to her Instagram page to try to make everyone else like her more.

We have watered down and cheapened both our coffee and our ability to truly embrace our emotional health.

We are collectively mean to people who may not deserve it at whim or admiring of people who may not be worthy ~ at whim.

It reminds me of a swarm of starlings all going after the same mosquitos. People on social media are like the starlings ~ some think of this dance of birds en masse as a thing of beauty ~ some people see Hitchcock’s interpretation.

It is ~ what it is.

Dylan Winter video ~

We are forever pursuing happiness as if it’s somewhere else ~ as if someone else has the answer we can’t find.

Be happy.

Just as you are my darling starlings ~

It never left. It’s just been waiting for you to realize it’s right there, as is.

I believe this to be true ~

Peace and Self-Love!

From the crankiest positive psychology practitioner you’ll ever meet~

@happinessnoir (c) @inkhoneypub @K.ArenHenryMiller

Published by happinessnoir

Writer | Advocate | Free Range Female | Change Agent | Essayist

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