I set myself free

This is something only the eldurkin will understand. Especially women after the age of 50.

Do you know how many women are writing about their experiences and survival skills today? Thousands. Maybe even millions.

Photo by Ben Mack on Pexels.com

The irony is ~ people immediately turn away when a middle aged to elder female begins to speak.

Which is part of the problem.

In some cultures, the wisdom of our elders used to be revered. In some cultures, they still are. Especially of the grandmothers who survived unbelievable stories. Their mothers survived and sometimes, the women actually thrived in spite of it all.

I never knew until well into adulthood that when my mother was a young woman, full time nurse, and mother to four children, she wasn’t legally allowed to get a credit card until I was already ten years old.

TEN YEARS OLD ~ my poor mom. Gaw! It makes me mad for her … I knew my father … that would have driven me to the brink!

She was the better parent, yet had to ask my father’s permission (legally … in New Jersey, this isn’t a 3rd world country story) to buy a car or do anything based on credit.

Trust me ~ if I were in her shoes, having to ask him for anything would have been the LAST thing on my list.

I don’t know how she survived but she did. She made us believe that our lives were normal and wonderful. In truth, my childhood was pretty great, but also sort of awful. None of us talk about it.

Ask your grandmother what her life was like back in the 70’s, 60’s and 50’s ~ if you have a grandma that reached back into the 40’s, 30’s and … 20’s? Ask them for their stories.

Living history of the American woman is important. It wasn’t DV back then. It was a way of life.

Knowing how far we came to make sure that our daughters and granddaughters would be free to make Tik Tok’s ~ that was an army of gray haired women who put up with some shit!

Your independence and happiness? It’s because we took the hits.

Not everyone.

Today ~ we’re being told that our energy is “off” ~ well yeah it is!

Our energy endured a 1000 times survival skills.

In 2017 millions of women of every demographic were wearing pussy hats and marching in the streets in protest of how women were treated.

By 2020 ~ everyone was calling a vocal white woman of all ages a “karen” because she was still wearing that pussy hat ~ damn … that didn’t go as planned.

The whole “I’m going to speak up/speak out” message ~ pulled right back down. Men started it. Women joined in!

Today? Young women LOVE to mock and belittle older women.

Some of them deserve it ~ they are being jerks. They are endangering and engaging in very dumb ways but not all of the. Today it’s just a trend to be aggressive in public while other people are filming instead of resolving issues on the spot.


Because of 15 minutes of internet fame? Because the pandemic brought the disease model to the surface? Because we’ve all lost our damn minds?

A bit of all of the above.

People don’t go through emotional, mental, psychological, financial, social war while holding on to love and light! Their energy is going to be a different shade of gray.

They are survivors. Survivors have more vivid colors. None of this placid, watered down pastel of dreaming love things. They are warriors as our ancestors before us, and their ancestors before them.

Our energy is our own. Our awareness of self is our own. We are endowed with living as we choose. For better or worse. For richer or poorer. Until death do us part.

We women need to stop comparing our lives to others ~ this isn’t 6th grade and we are not the figment of imagination of Tina Fey’s writing mind.

Millions of women are now opening up about aligning with abusive partners.

Millions of healers are now sharing their practice of healing ~ including talking about what women go through now, today.

In truth?

We are generationally surviving and thriving after what we now know was domestic violence.

Women are saying, “enough” ~ it’s making a whole lot of people very angry that we are pushing back, or better … doing our own thing.

Including other women who took advantage of the less assertive women.

I stopped holding on to hate.

I also stopped putting up with other people’s shit.

That doesn’t mean they will change. It means I stopped responding to their actions and behaviors.

Unlike in the movies, the mean girls will always end up winning.

That happens often with narcissistics. They win.

We’re told to think “happy thoughts” ~ which, frustratingly enough, actually works to a degree.

Photo by Merlin lightpainting on Pexels.com

Neuropsychologists and meditation guru’s know that redirecting our thoughts will also alter our brain chemistry to be more resilient in times of darkness while regulating our mood in every life situation.

We, the women who put up with a lot of fodder ~ are being called to altering our brain chemistry to it’s highest calling.

I set myself free but I can’t control other people or what they continue to say or do.

I can only control how I respond.

Lovely sentiment ~ it doesn’t put a stop to someone being abusive.

A little Fight Club in all of us ~ that’s what puts a stop to it.

That or a private detective, and a law suit. That would help too.


What do we do with this new found freedom?

We recreate the life we want to live now ~ IN the now.

Endless possibilities take time and need some clarity. The dream phase is a gentle reminder that we can live in safety … and it’s not all fight club … something we’re not supposed to talk about. LOL (that’s the #1 rule of fight club … from the movie … you’ll have to watch it).


What are you going to do today?

Repeat your patterns or take off on an adventure and live your best life in a cage free life?

Being free to speak up and out is the greatest goal a person can achieve when they’ve been caged by society, my lovers, or friends or family.

Being free to give voice to the voiceless feels a bit of a daunting crusade, yet still valid and valuable.

Set yourself free and see where that takes you.

It may or may not lead to daily happiness.

Remember … my happiness isn’t going to look like yours. I wouldn’t want it to.

(c) @happinessnoir @inkhoneypub @K.ArenHenryMiller


Published by happinessnoir

Writer | Advocate | Free Range Female | Change Agent | Essayist

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