It’s bitter sweet ~ This thing we call happy

When I see someone offer clips of happiness suggestions, such as, “you get to choose to be happy” and, “think of what can go right, instead of what went wrong” written by people who are advantaged in every way, I get a little sad for them ~ and those who instantly say, “seriously?”

Photo by Pixabay on

There are people who fall in love with the image of the still glass like lake without any thought for the life that’s happening just below the surface.

The same is true in life ~ the same is true in our professional world.

I would LOVE to live in a world where everyone was living their dream ~ whatever that dream is. If we were, there would be absolutely NO need for many of our industries as we know them.

Photo by Pixabay on

Nobody else can tell you more about you ~ than yourself. Not a single guru on the planet, no matter how enlightened or educated, is a purely perfect person. Not a one.

Don’t just believe them. Never walk in blind. Always stay open to both the good things happening and the bad things they don’t want you to know about.

Why is it that we have forgotten to be comfortable with crying, mourning, grieving?

We always try to calm people down ~ or tell them not to be sad, scared or confused.

We can simply sit with someone while they cry.

Hug them. Don’t try to squeeze the pain out. They have to feel it. It’s part of the healing process.

The calmness is for your comfort. Not theirs.

Underneath all that false ego that glides through our perception of ease in life and the need to not be around anyone who was traumatized ~ there is a storm brewing and a battle being fought against one’s own mind.

Someone outside of themselves hurt them in ways that the average “think positive thoughts” guru will never fully understand.

Unless the guru ~ master teacher ~ guide to the happiness goal post also went through a thing that traumatized them.

Of course, the guru may be holding on to some secret sauce or memory erasing drug.

I will say ~ yes! It is possible to heal.

It IS possible to turn our trauma into power

We can overcome any obstacle to live our best life.

We can live happily ever after.

What they leave out is ~ the whole-person-psychological conditioning that goes into that healing process.

The ugly cry ~ the permission we have to give ourselves to release the pain ~ the courage it takes to let go of who we were before that painful event happened ~ the concentration it takes to stay focused on the hero’s journey.

There is nothing whimsical or lovely or gentle about the healing process.

How lovely it would be if everything that sparkled was gold and magic were able to fix all wounds.

Photo by Olya Kobruseva on

In truth? The very act of living is magical. It’s a miraculous thing to be both able to look up at the stars and part of that stardust.

Knowing that is training for the greatest fight of your life.

You are doing battle with outward scars and inner demons.

You can win, but when you do, nobody knows what you went through.

Serendipity is an ironic friend.

You become a different version of yourself. Then, you have to get to know yourself all over again.

Hard to do when you also have to take care of kids, or your elder parents ~ go to work with that smiling face on all the time.

And hells bells, who decided that running marathons was the socially accepted community act of acceptance.

That will NEVER be part of my wheelhouse. I get that there is both pain and brain chemicals that push people into that vast overachievement. 🙂

Stillness is the secret weapon.

Mindfulness is not some whimsical game to play to appease the boss. It’s an actual powerful tool we have to be fully, lovingly, present with yourself.

It’s how we heal. Meditation isn’t just for yoga studios or the mom jean set ~ or the school clubs to entice grant funding.

Photo by Mikhail Nilov on

You don’t need a fancy pants guru either.

Don’t get me wrong. I LOVE the crystals, sage, holistic meditation music (listening to some right now) and candle burning power of creating a mind in focus. If it helps you get into the consciousness frame of mind. Do it! Love it. I support your choices.

But you don’t HAVE to have those things.

You can sit by a still lake, under a cool breeze to become one with the sound of silence.

The truth is, as both psychology master teacher and Reiki master teacher ~ I know we can do both ~ it’s not about what works for me ~ it’s about what works for you.

Nobody gets to decide what works best for you. Only you have that job.

I was talking about meditation with a bunch of rural junior high school kids once ~ one boy locked in on what meditation and mindfulness does for us. He went into great detail about how fishing and hunting did that for him.

He was surprised that I, a person who does not fish or hunt, 100% agreed with him.

It’s all about what is in the mind. What brings us peace.

IMO ~ peace is more powerful an emotion than happiness.

Happiness is a result of joy but peace, for a survivor’s mind, is a result of safety. it’s more important.

Photo by Luiz Fernando on

You can cook up your own recipe for successful meditation ~ mindfulness practice or even calming your inner critic.

  1. Before we judge ~ we have to know ourselves.

2. If we are going to speak ill of others, we have to know our own limitations ~ the ugly stuff.

3. We have created a paradigm where bullies and know-it-alls right along with cancel culture, the worst of the offenders against freedom of speech or freedom to live in a free society ~ reigns supreme.

I’m sick to bits of the flawed ~ insincere ~ threatening ~ bully culture that we have fueled.

If you’re out there as a guru or expert in any field ~ stay conscious and aware of whom you are interacting with.

Rude people are IN this business. They aren’t even aware of it. Triggered people can hear the condescension in that rudeness.

Sometimes … happy shows up at our door simply by wishing it or believing it into existence. Not always. Other times, we fight our way through hell on earth to earn it.

Here’s to all finding their sweet spot this weekend.


In peace and courage!

(c) @happinessnoir @inkhoneypub @K.ArenHenryMiller

I’m off to Boss Up ~ @

Published by happinessnoir

Writer | Advocate | Free Range Female | Change Agent | Essayist

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