A little darkness goes a long way ~

Clap. Back. But also clap for yourself w/out following trends just because they’re trendy.

It’s an art form, a remedy and a therapeutic process of breaking down the reality of being tormented and bullied by others.

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This darkness of which I speak. We dissect it entirely too much. Especially online.

In real life, people don’t expect it. The dissection of our moods, or retaliation or even our capturing the slice of moments meant to slide past us, like a warm summer rain. Each drop is not intended to be captured or analyzed as much as it is. We do that to ourselves.

Why?

There are going to be storms in our lives.

It’s good … it’s GOOD to hear people in my field talking more and more about the storms as normal. It’s GOOD to see more and more people talking about the balance.

We don’t need to be told when or how to be happy.

We need more conversations (and research) about how to sit comfortably with our less popular emotions.

They are not “negative” or “positive’. Pretty sure the man who coined that term based on the Maslow work didn’t mean for it to be so damn literal. But who knows. Who knows what he or anyone else meant.

I do know that when I found that little book written and published by a female psychologist back in 1929, I realized that our entire industry today is a shadow self of what already was.

We just learned how to monotonize it in such a way as to make some people famous. Social media ~ at it again.

Our emotions are our art form. They are our challenge and muse all in one. We can’t dissect our humanity, then expect it to be exactly as it was.

Life is messy and complicated. It’s fluid in the living of it. When we get stuck on any one idea or concept, we are stuck in the mud. We must not be afraid of the mud or the rain that creates it.

Feel all of your feelings ~ let them flow through you ~ allow them to be ~ don’t be afraid to feel pain along with knowing you will walk away knowing more about yourself.

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Emotions are our greatest teachers.

I will type that 10,000 times more until everyone’s on board.

Happiness?

Great. Good. Love it. Done. We get it.

I taught that stuff for YEARS ~ but never once without also honoring our grief, our sorrow, our fear, our anxiousness, our sensitive side …. etc. etc. etc.

A base of a solid sense of well being allows us to bounce back quicker.

There you go ~ a life’s work in a single sentence.

I could go into detail about how we got so stuck on selling the positive as if people couldn’t figure that out for themselves. It created an elitism ~

… maybe the leaders in the field knew it would, or maybe they don’t even realize that it did. We could talk about how a new age assumption of psychology picked up the

… manipulation of what is being taught or shared, so that it can more easily wish away our negative emotions so we don’t have to feel them.

I call this our years of magical thinking ~ Joan Didion being our Queen ~ and if you’ve never read her writing, you’re missing out.

She writes words into a dance. Her book, The Year of Magical Thinking is an epic tale of her most painful time in life. It is tragically sad, yet, leaves the reader feeling a profound sense of love and connection.

~~~

Joan Didion

We all have a journey that we get to choose. We don’t all get to choose what happens to us.

Some of us are shoved out into the storm to weather the trauma of it.

As they said in Good Will Hunting ~ it’s not your fault.

For years and maybe a lifetime ~ those who abuse us tell us that it is ~ irresponsible healers, helpers and therapists will agree with that sentiment.

They piss me off. Sadistic, thoughtless and cruel people are everywhere.

The memes that tell people that it’s their fault if something bad happens to them?

I just want to slap them upside the head. But that’s my rugged Jersey girl childhood response.

This social justice thing has been with me a long time.

What is wrong with people that they would blame or shame a trauma survivor?

The other side of that ~ we do get to claim our lives and take ownership of how we respond to the trauma. We get to decide how long to stand in the rain or dance in the dirt. That part? That is wholly up to us.

Not everyone is in fight or flight mode ~ some of us fawn ~ others forget while others still? We faint from the exhaustion of always having to be on point.

Human suffering across the lifespan is the epic novel of our lives. Like the great novels of life (as Joan Didion’s were) ~ some will be a comedy while others are a tragedy. Some of us have big adventures while others … merely exist until we die without any particular need to feel any passion or drive and that is okay too.

The Mind’s Journal

I gave away positive psychology content for ten years. For free. Without advertising.

That was my mud. That was my staying in the rain a bit too long, allowing others to just take my work because I was stuck in my darker emotions ~ life tried to wake me up from complacency. As I taught the positive psychology ~ I lived the tragedy that just kept coming, one after another. A storm that didn’t end for five years or so.

I needed to change everything but couldn’t wake up from the nightmare.

That was my life lesson about the storms of life.

2020 felt like a non stop crisis. That happens when you are an empath, you are a sensitive person and you have experienced great trauma.

The minute you accept yourself for who you are is the minute you are free.

From any and everything that slows you down.

To be a @FreeRangeFemale is to live your life as you choose. To understand that not everyone has that luxury is your responsibility. I add this in because entirely too many people are telling other people how to live their lives, as if we can control anyone else. There is of course, safety in just following others. We all do that too to a certain extent.

To be fully self actualized means to not want ~ or need ~ or feel compelled to follow anyone anywhere. it’s rather isolating but that in and of itself is also a freedom.

Here’s to your journey toward peace and well being.

I hope you find what you’re looking for.

@happinessnoir @inkhoneypub @FreeRangeFemale @K.ArenHenryMiller

henryhealing.com

Published by happinessnoir

Writer | Advocate | Free Range Female | Change Agent | Essayist

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