The abuse of power from public officials intertwined with facing off (opposite of ‘savoring the moment’) with people who clearly don’t like their jobs. All while keeping a conscious decision to be politically correct … is a hella afternoon.
WHERE is my stillness?
I’m going to tell you a little story of how Karen wants to scream … all. the. time.
Yes. Like THE Scream by Edvard Munch. Silently ~ into the void ~ so not to disrupt the peace we’ve worked so hard on building.
Nobody told me middle age was going to be mostly wanting to scream because of the way people treat you while living in a pop cultural nightmare where you also have to always keep a cool head in the event that someone decides to drag you for losing it.
Ah, the 70’s ~ in 4th grade, I got into a verbal fight with my then best friend. She punched me square in the nose and knocked me clean out (Jersey). My nose burst into a bouquet of blood soaked public spectacle. I was sent to the nurse. She was told to sit in the corner. Never once did I remember that because of the color of either of our skin. Kids don’t think about that stuff. Grown ups plug that awareness into our squishy little sponges.
The next day? Nothing. It was ancient history. I vaguely remember my parents saying … “get over it”. Ah … I miss childhood in the 70’s. They were rough but fun. The 70’s as a whole? It was pretty awful. But childhood was a complex mess of fun and horrifying.
For the past twenty years, I’ve been teaching ~ feelings ~ emotions ~ brain stuff ~ social stuff ~ happiology. Yep. I was one of the original happiology promoters. On a smaller scale. Until some dude with more money, clout, ego, and friends … stole my work and made a best seller out of it.
Today? I’m grateful. That guy was a jerk and it offered me a reality check. One I very much needed. Another punch clean to the face of my career.
I asked myself ~
Is this what I’ve been teaching to people all these years? All those thousands of students learning about emotion regulation infused with positive thoughts and establishing a baseline of joy so that they could remain calm during a crisis?
Today was a losing fight with beauracracy day.
When I get angry ~ I don’t fight or flee. I either freeze or fawn. Today, my tongue froze. IN the moment of being frozen, my brain was busy crafting a “let her have it” script that I knew would never come out.
My internal narrator is never as clever as I wish she was.
I’m an island of misfit toys most of the time. I want to know about the world because I don’t always fit into it. Not like others who easily glide through stressful situations.
I’m at peace with that now. This not understanding/totally understanding way of thinking.
I just asked a crisis counselor who works with trauma survivors and rape victims how she would respond if I said, “let’s think of three positive thoughts to your one” post intake of a very bad client experience.
Short answer? She said she’d tell me to fork off and want to punch me in the face.
Yep. That sounds about right.
Remember … therapists, counselors and even energy workers are people too. We’re allowed to get mad from time to time. Hot headed Irish born girls who learned how to take a punch by the age of 9, especially so.
It’s not only soldiers with PTSD that this happiology doesn’t work on. Not the way it works for those who’ve no concept or personal experience with trauma anyway.
Though, the billion dollar grant to prove otherwise will win this debate.
It’s domestic abuse survivors ~ rape survivors ~ trauma survivors as a whole ~
The fluffy, easy-button version of applying a positive psychology just isn’t appropriate for serious crisis moments.
It’s also not okay for grief.
Or any hard human experiences that make you feel like a Munch painting.
2021 changed the landscape ~ our field sure as forks better keep up.
Today? For me? Today was a Munch day.
Then, it was a Frozen day. Later … I’ll return to my Cat-a-Holic writing.
We have to ease up a bit. OR … we have to add in some therapeutic screaming ~ which is awesome.
Our human mind needs to be heard. We need to be seen and valued and respected.
Mindfulness ~ Theoretical meaning and purpose ~ living in a constant state of conscious decision making … it’s not the end all.
We’re all tired.
We’re all stressed out.
We’re all ready to snap like a tightly wound rubber bands.
We all have triggers.
Today was great. An hour of it totally sucked. An hour after that ~ I was livid mad ~ missing my Northeast fall ’cause it’s just too stinking hot in the South ~ which made things worse but I also remembered my go to for feeling better ~
YES ~ I sing the Frozen song ~ and YES ~ I hear it in my head every time I’m stressed out and YES ~ it DOES make the boo-boo better for all ages. I know I’m 57. I don’t care. It works.
I may be able to ‘let it go’ a lot more because of this song. Thank you very much.
Sometimes … having an overactive thinking trigger means in moments of extreme stress
… doing nothing is doing something.
Here’s wishing you the magic of a good laugh at yourself in the event that the darkness creeps in.
In Peace and the love of a Disney Princess,
(c) @happinessnoir @InkHoneyPub @K.ArenHenryMiller