A beautiful pain

There is a time to speak, write and share ~ then, there is a time to be quiet, to listen, to give space to the stories of others.

What these women say ~ I’ve seen it and heard it myself.

Academia is a whole other beast.

I’m not here to spill the tea on any of the dark side of higher education. I’m here to share my space with people I don’t know because their story is so important to the 40% who never finish their graduate degree.

It’s important. Learning through pain, teaches us so much more than learning from books.

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The racial biases ~ real.

The male biases ~ real.

Being forced to choose between family and the degree ~ real.

The gender biases ~ real.

The tenured Prof’s protecting their territory to the point of manipulating the system against the new kids on the block ~ real.

Seeing people throw shade on anyone who had a mental health or learning difference ~ real.

My heart goes out to each and every one of these women.

I also know that there are academics who love what we do, even though we are told to go do it elsewhere.

One drop of tea ~ there was a malignant professor so narcissistically territorial that she (yes, a female) sent students INTO my classrooms to heckle me.

How do I know this?

The students liked me enough to tell me so. They even told me how she and several other instructors (tenured and adjuncts) mocked my teaching method in their classrooms.

6th grade?

Nope.

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Full fucking grown women (and men).

Okay, back to coffee, and we coffee drinkers don’t spill it ~ we drink it.

To own our career path means that sometimes, we have to pivot on demand.

My career in academia found more meaning in the suffering (check out the work of Dr. Paul Wong, a leader in the field of meaning theory) than if I had just found the easy button in the nepotistic cluster of mean girls.

But I digress.

The point is this.

Sometimes, we fail. That is how we learn.

The beautiful pain is the pain we not only live through, but we grow through. Then, we pivot and create a new path.

No epic tale has ever been without pain and suffering. That’s how human growth across a lifespan works.

I’ve had my share and then some.

Now, I’m turning the next how ever many years into a whole new epic tale to tell.

On to great adventures!

They are the most meaningful ones.

If anyone is offended by the words I use but not by the actions of others I discuss, then you are probably not my people and I am not yours and somehow ~ we’re both going to be okay with that.

The real side of happiness is this.

We can be happy and NOT allow the judgements of others to wound us to the point of social paralysis.

Sip on that.

(c) @happinessnoir @Inkhoneypub @K.ArenHenryMiller

Byron Katie

Published by happinessnoir

Writer | Advocate | Free Range Female | Change Agent | Essayist

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