Can we normalize not being “normal” please. Yes. We can.

Can’t stand cliche’d anything. Women who are obsessed with shoes? Tight, high, pinching shoes? Gross. I’d rather be barefoot or in flip flops. I’d rather be in casual clothes all the time. I don’t like make up or doing fussy things to my hair.

Painting by @K.ArenHenryMiller

Does that make me less than? Depends on who you talk to.

I’m much more into porn. Real estate porn that is. Give me a solid Zillow, Zumper, listing any day of the week. On my Pinterest? … home decor. Taking more pictures of my cats and old chihuahua or vista views from my travels?

Cottages are my favorite at the moment. Love the cute little nooks and crannies of an unboxed dwelling. Those big lazy front porches with energy efficient heating systems? What? Who invented solar paneling that looks as cool as it does?

The varieties of paints these days? I could spend hours in a home design store. To me, it’s almost as fun as traveling and almost as memorable as gliding down the luxury streets of my high end city.

I can’t help myself. They bring me joy.

I have a mad crazy crush on the Gaine’s success in rewriting the average farm houses. I even got excited when I realized the Magnolia collection at Target.

Joanna knows how to give good presentation ~ it’s both warm and welcoming. Who doesn’t love a great feel good story?

Photo: Screen shot of Joanna Gaines for Magnolia. And yes, I am going to go buy a new mug for my collection today. 🙂

All the cliche’d traditional “girl” stuff ~ I’ve never understood it. Gaggles of girls giggling? Not at all my thing.

I never did understand the ladies who lunch. If I’m at lunch, I’m either writing something or reading something.

The job I have is a solo act most of the time.

When I had to sit on committees, only to have time wasted by nonsensical chit chat about nothing at all by two people who just wanted to vent their own personal crap while everyone else waits?

Drives. Me. Nuts.

The sports I used to participate in ~ solo. Track ~ aerobics ~ walking ~ whatever it was and hopefully, will be again one day.


I even go to the grocery store in sunglasses, with earphones on ~ add on the mask and I’m in my own little world.

For a while there, I was even bummed to hear we won’t have to wear the mask any more.

When people start talking to me, I can hear them, but sometimes, pretend not to, just because platitudes drive my brain nuts.

I’m also a cat addict. No, not a ‘crazy cat lady’ but a devout fan of the rescues, shelters and selfless thousands who go out of their way to save a stray.

Then, there’s the sort of entertainment that proves to me that humanity isn’t filled with tragedy or sadness.

2020 made all of these celebration of social isolation even more important to me.

Schmucks being schmucks on the internet made social distancing even easier.

Sitting in the middle of an outdoor restaurant while 25 different conversations go on loudly all around us, is noise pollution to me.

The more we spend time alone, the more we love our aloneness. It’s not loneliness. Loneliness is being surrounded by people who make us feel alone.

Every relationship I’ve ever been in was with the wrong person ~ usually someone who was exactly like the origin story of my life.

I don’t know who the artist of this statue is, it’s been used so many times, the copy/paste/poach bandits didn’t give credit. If you know, comment ~ let me know.

So many of us who experienced traumatic or difficult times just ~ see the world in different colors.

And there are millions of us.

I’m a trauma coach and counselor. My area of expertise is in helping trauma survivors to heal.

So in my own time? I want to be alone. I want absolute, utter, without a doubt peace. Joy is a nice bonus. Happiness is going to feel, look, smell, sound and taste differently for someone who is a bit grouchy by nature.

We get our kicks from the quiet times we can go somewhere by ourselves.

I have leveled up to an age where, I don’t need to be heard. I don’t raise my voice unless absolutely necessary. I usually literally just walk away from someone else’s drama unless, it’s my job to step in.

Then, I’m fully equipped to be absolutely specific in handling a situation.

I have nothing to prove to anyone. Except my very old dog who always showers me with his guilt if I leave the room.

When we enjoy our lives so fully and completely that the rest of the world has to figure it’s own stuff out, we are free.

For years, I did my very best to avert my eyes from things I knew were happening, but I wanted no part of.

I endured being surrounded by questionable ethics, painful truths about certain people and pre-trauma shocks to the system.

In my 20’s and 30’s, I was always comparing myself to others. I worked overtime to try to fit in. What a waste of time. I see now that it was so silly to even try.

My 40’s were stolen from me by a belligerent, mean spirited person who was verbally, financially, emotionally and socially abusive on a daily basis.

Today, I don’t put up with anyone’s shit.

There are no second chances and no take backs. It’s rather severe, but it has to be.

Today I ask ~ I spent decades trying to blend in with them, but I never asked, would they blend in with me. We hit that point where we change the question.

It’s not “why don’t they like me?” it’s, “do I like them?”

I spent 25 years watching the “boys club” of abusers in every industry I was exposed to or worked in, being despicable traders to our own species.


I tapped out.

Photo by Ben Mack on

No more sitting by while some man in authority abuses his power or creeps on much younger women. No more tolerating explosively twisted individuals who exploit or threaten my own success for their childish games.

Writers are a powerful lot.

We can change the direction of our stars, simply by clacking them out in words. We get to be the crafter of the world we live in. It’s a gift to want to be creative.

What does happy look like to a wildly independent person (gender does not matter) ~ ????

It looks like someone who will get up front the table the moment they feel disrespected.

It means, no is a full answer.

It means that when they want to do something, they will go alone without hesitation. If they like you, they will ask once, but they will never beg.

It means they don’t give a flip about how happiness is defined ’cause in their core being, they know what it is to them. They aren’t interested in discussing it with you. Or, anyone.

It certainly means that the day in and day out drudgery of social media people pleasing will be too exhausting for them to involve themselves in.

They are on their own team. They will never be anyone’s minions or followers. They will de-friend at will the moment they know they won’t align with whatever chatter is happening on a “group page’ anywhere.

NORMAL to a person who is living a rather actualized life is very different from those who are in the pursuit of social comparison or celebrity obsession.

So what if I like my cats, and tats and questionable clothes choices? I literally don’t care if you like me or not.

That puts a lot of people off. Most writer’s go into a deep dark place of privacy, trying hard to hide themselves away from the rest of the world. Carefully crafting just enough to keep people guessing and not enough to reveal who they are.

I like being an outlier. I like thinking outside the box. I like that I can feel what you are going to say or do before you say or do it **a skill of a survivor**

Most of all ~ I really like that I can be happy even if I’m a little sad and I can be sad through my happy.

The same is true for millions of holistically healed explorers of humanity across the lifespan.

Still thinking about the secret handshake of the happily healed grouchy people such as myself.

Ok ~ off to do another sweep through Pinterest before I go on to the next project.

In peace and independence,

(c) @happinessnoir @Inkhoneypub @K.ArenHenryMiller

BTW ~ I’m in the process of creating products w/my written word art ~ I’ll link here soon enough. And, sorry, but a girl’s gotta make a living so I may be adding ads … depends on what they think should be advertised here. THAT will be interesting.

I’ll keep you posted.

Published by happinessnoir

Writer | Advocate | Free Range Female | Change Agent | Essayist

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: