Can we be too consciously aware to enjoy life?


Photo: @K.ArenHenryMiller

I’ve just spent thirteen months being as quiet as possible

(for me, I’m no monk on a mountaintop + ~ I talk to my cats out loud). I literally live on mountain top but I’m no Jay Sexy Shetty. I think the monks who make it have to also give up their monkish ways and look hella good on camera. ~ Just sayin’

I digress ~ during my year + of quiet, I thought about everything. I listened to everyone. The time for standing still has come to an end.

What did I learn?

A lot. That’s why I’m writing.

The main points I think about over coffee, looking out into the mountains I’m currently lost in (on purpose) ~

  1. I’m a fish out of water. Literally. I’m a Pisces who loves the ocean, but spend most of my time in the mountains. That must mean something … right? I have to think about it some more.
  2. We can filter our worldview, point of view, or view of ourselves all we want. In truth, we can’t hide from our own truth. Though with so many filters and so many people pretending to be something they’re not ~ it sure is hard to tell sometimes.
  3. Here’s the big fish ~ so much of the voice in my head came from a place of trauma-bonded voices of others, I could hardly hear myself. Today, I have total clarity. All this mountain air is good for the soul.

Truly curious people doubt themselves all the time. They think about thinking while thinking that the thinking is thinking.

I’ve been guilty of this quagmire ~ still am, but not as much. I no longer feel guilt for thinking too much.

People who are so absolutely sure of themselves are usually the absolute last people anyone should believe or trust.


I’ll give you an example.

There was a turd social scientist (yes, I’m a baby and that person is a turd, so I call them names) ~ who recently posted,

“Evidence based on 900,000+ soldiers studied” in regard to his own research. Someone else said, “well, 900K+ soldiers? That must mean it’s true.” so they repeated and shared his lame ass bullshit post. (immature, I know. I know.) Dude’s been behind the nursemaid’s coat strings of academia his entire life. Pampered and safe.

Then a very courageous woman who has actually SERVED in the military for the past 25+ years who works with traumatized soldiers said,

“Look. This is faulty research and it’s not working. I am on the ground with these folks every day. I hear them. I speak with them (not at them, there is a difference) and they trust me. Their truth is, your program is the way it is because they are instructed to answer that way by their boss (not giving away titles or ranks for obvious reasons).”

Turd responds with, “Well, there is research to back up our findings”. Imagine a peacock on steroids.

Shero claps back with, “You are a scientist responsible for collecting data that is truthful. It’s irresponsible to collect skewed data that is forced for profit.”

Turd claps back with, “Who are you again. You are nobody. I am the great and powerful Oz!”

Gal Gadot gif ~

Okay, I got away with myself there … knowing both of these people for over a decade? Trust me, the roided up turd does think very highly of himself. The Shero? She’s the real deal.

Sadly, our military still looks down on female and trans soldiers as if they aren’t as capable or smart, unless they also hush it up and go along with the “boys club” ~ damn, I use that term a lot.

The point is ~ besides the badass Sheroes in our world ~ while mommy and daddy fight over the nit picking practicality of the professor’s findings ~ actual humans on the ground are working double time to keep soldiers with PTSD alive.

I love theory. I do. It’s my jam. That overthinking about thinking? It’s part of my job as a researcher/writer. But it can also be exhausting.

We have to give our brains a break. Stop thinking and the thing we wanted to know will just appear. Being is also thinking, but with our gut instead of our brain. We have two think tanks ~ we forget to use one and too often, we forget to keep both of them balanced.

I balance mine with nothingness & with humor. Really silly, nonsensical humor. It’s saved my life more than once.

It’s why I love Monty Python so darn much. There is comedic genius at play in the total lack of thinking.

It’s also a stress reducer.

Photo: @K.ArenHenryMiller

What’s the point of the story?

There are people in the air, imagining how life is ~ but then there are people on the ground living it.

Both are necessary halves of a whole. Both contribute to the big picture.

We … complete each other in how we see the world. There are some who over filter while others, don’t add any filters at all and others still ~ who don’t even bother taking the picture, they just enjoy the view all by themselves.

The top picture and bottom picture I posted here, were both taken at the same time at the same location. Such is life.

We see what we want to see. Theory and research are just as guilty as that as the person who is in the trenches, just trying to stay alive. (metaphorically and literally speaking).

Look up. When life has you down on the ground ~ look up. Let go ~ breathe ~ take in the elements ~ then imagine how you want it to be ~ really focus on it ~ then release it.

There ~ I just saved you 6-weeks of therapy. 🙂 LOL Just kidding. But seriously ~ that’s how mindfulness works. It’s how thoughtful ~ impartial analysis can help you to center yourself so you can stop overthinking … which can hurt after a while.

While on the mountain … I was alone with my dog.

There was another guy who pulled up on his bike, to selfie the image. He said into his camera, “I can’t believe I live here”.

I never remember to add myself into these pictures. Images of myself just aren’t interesting to me.

Why do we need that? To prove that we exist or to validate our worthiness?

Maybe ~ I’m overthinking it again, but when I traveled for two solid years in the late 80’s ~ I visited all fifty states, and four countries. I think there are about four pictures somewhere to chronicle those adventures.

While I am sitting here writing about life, while perhaps, overthinking it; turds are out there winning the world over with their narcissistic charm, and Sheroes go under appreciated because they scare the hell out of their coworkers w/their beauty, brains and bold intellect.

Here’s hoping you can let go of your overthinking for the day in order to just enjoy the ride.

In peace and brain food,

(c) @happinessnoir @InkHoneyPub @K.ArenHenryMiller

OH ~ and if you’re one of those “people” who think Gal Gadot’s Wonder Woman wasn’t good for feminism .. which is just ridiculous ~ ask yourself how many martial arts belts YOU have while also serving in the Israely army while also winning a beauty pageant … ahem, scholarship program (nod to Miss Congeniality there) AND still look like that? Go Gal!

Published by happinessnoir

Writer | Advocate | Free Range Female | Change Agent | Essayist

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: