Life is never fully easy ~ until we punch our way through the duplicitous nature of that which stands in our way. It’s a strength building exercise in awareness.
The easy answer to having the life we want is to focus ONLY on that life, and nothing, nobody else until we’ve achieved it.
We are drowning in duplicity right now. The toxic culture of the internet makes it worse, but it’s on the ground too. This nature of being. We are, at the base level, carnivorous animals who fight for survival.
How then, do we create a mindset that ignores the toxic, negative behaviors of those around us who mean us harm? Who have an edge? Who somehow manage to always get whatever they want?
Do we in fact, ignore them?
Take the whole housing issue ~ more and more people are wanting/trying to buy, but giant billion dollar companies are buying up everything already made in order to turn them for a profit, or, keep them to rent out to those who can’t afford a 1/2 million dollar 2-bedroom bungalow.
I’ve spent the entirety of the pandemic working from home, but also studying culture at large. I’ve been studying the housing market, the investment advisors, and even the medical field to better understand the nature of health and healing.
“We’re not listening to each other”
The social media untrained incorrect warriors who put out content as fast as dandelions multiply are creating a vortex of hurt for everyone who doesn’t know to go to the original source.
It’s creating havoc from soup to nuts across the entire globe and it’s exhausting. Listening to it can trigger every upsetting feeling we have. On either side.
Emotion Regulation is calling all to the table, but only some will come along to ask, “where is your source”.
We have to let it go. We have to ignore the opinions of others at a time, when the people with the authentic, genuine, expert training in things are being silenced by the masses of willful ignorance.
Silence is the best answer for some ~ but we do a disservice to ourselves when we give up our ability to have a civil conversation … some people don’t even know how to do that at all. As in, they’ve never been taught how to agree to disagree.
We have mega successful companies putting dangerously inhumane meme’s out that say things like, “just walk away” when our feelings are hurt. How is that going to help any human grow? It’s not. It’s going to shorten our attention span to the human condition as a whole.
There is a vast difference between surviving trauma or something deeply offensive and the idea that if we don’t feel good about someone or something, we just ~ ghost them.
Avoidant behavior is just as dangerous to our own sense of well being as trying to survive this world wholly on our own.
We are out there promoting social isolation as this romanticized, glamorous, lovely idea of peace ~ yet never are willing to just put down our phones. Instead, we take a picture of ourselves IN the social isolation to prove that we were there.
The cuter the body, the more we selfie ourselves into the world while having our mountain top moments to what? Prove that we are both cute AND free?
We are not free if we have to prove that we are free.
The same goes for some of this wisdom sharing. Why are we compelled to show our boobs in the “positivity” freedom of life media?
Um? You don’t have to have a 12-pack or spectacular boobs or a distorted plastic surgeon mastery in order to be respected, seen or listened to.
As a matter of fact, what that is doing is creating chaos and a deep sense of insecurity.
Why are women my age feeling compelled to bulk up into a super tight, sexy body, clothed only in a string bikini for all the world to see? To prove that we still have value or worthy attention from the masses? To say, “See! I’m still hot. I still matter.”
Girl ~ you matter whether you are online or not.
Love yourself and stop giving a shit what other people think of you.
The most courageous act you can undertake is to get to know yourself; appreciate your own value; love who you are “as is” and then ~ only then, tell the rest of the world that they will accept you just as you are.
Not easy. Not in today’s rather malicious duplicitous world.
I have seen Associate and full professors try to “take down” an adjunct because that part time person saw the truth of the full time person’s duplicitous nature.
I have seen not for profit leaders allow an office bully so horrible, they lost employees left and right, but secretly were terrified of the office manager.
I have seen people in education ~ sleeping with the parents of their students; giving unbelievably bad advice to young girls and gossip about children’s families in front of those children ~ causing immeasurable harm to their young minds.
I have seen junior high, high school and college level teachers seducing and sexually abusing the vulnerable students who just never saw it coming.
I have had to work with bosses who would say the most disgusting things about their employees, but get away with it because they were just master craftsman narcissists that nobody would believe the employee. Why? Because these predators knew exactly who to target when they set out to fuck with that person’s life. For sport.
The only way to take back the night (a program, I’ll link below) or to teach our next generation how not to be abused, is to encourage them to not be afraid of their own emotions.
It’s the only way.
Teach a girl how to throw a punch. I’m grateful that I learned how to do that when I was seven years old. It helped me when I was 25 and had to defend myself. It helped me not to be afraid of an extremely volatile, dangerous business partner.
Teach a boy how to spot a creep every bit as much as we teach our girls. We must never assume that all abuse only happens to girls.
As a matter of fact, my very first client when I became a mental health counselor, was a young boy who went on his first ever date with a man, when that naive 18 year old finally found the courage to come out. That man raped that boy, who in turn, wanted to kill himself.
Another client, a group of college girls who were being seduced by their professor ~ a double PhD from Columbia ~ who would lure them to his private estate in a tropical location ~ only to encourage as many of them as possible to sleep with him.
I’m sick and furious just thinking about it.
Yes. Even those of us trained in trauma healing ~ can feel the fury of what duplicitous snakes in the grass are out there doing.
The more we share what we know with the world, the more these creeps have to hide in the shadows.
The more we educate ourselves and our children about what’s out there ~ the danger not always the most obvious ~ the better we can equip them with knowledge in how to live safe, happy, well informed lives.
Why do so many get away with it? Because we aren’t having uncomfortable conversations with our kids, or, we aren’t around any of them so think it’s all just make believe drama that people make up to sell books.
Once you see the shadow side of the world, you can’t unsee it.
There is a whole world of wonder and beauty under every cloud.
Be careful out there in the world of online or on the ground ~ live simply if that’s calling you but live smartly which is preferred to the overconfident ignorance.
OH ~ I just discovered Tik Tok a few weeks ago. I’m adding doctors, lawyers, nurses, psychology professionals whom I can tell are factual ~ to try to correct the algorithm so I don’t get a lot of just …. idiots who are terrifyingly spreading absolute incorrect information. I’m not going to Tik Tok so no followers for me ~ just following … I guess in the online world, that looks weird but ~
We must embrace the fact that the dark side is there ~ it’s real ~ and it may be wearing a pretty pink suit, ~ ready to burn the hand of the best wizard in the school. Remember ~ some of the most dangerous people are those smiling at you while plotting your death.
Get to know your environment ~ learn how to embrace the dark side so you can learn not to fear it.
Then ~ be as happy as you want in the place where you are.
In peace and education.
(c) @happinessnoir @InkHoneyPub @K.ArenHenryMiller