Let’s go girls ~ to all the people out there saying it’s not professional to cuss, but would give their left foot to hang out with a celebrity ~ this post is for you.
Katy Perry ~ Madonna ~ Adele ~ Dame Judy Dench ~ Helen Mirren ~ Cher ~ Dr. Brene Brown ~ every one of the Professional Author’s Network of RWA ~ almost every one of my now successful former students who are currently holding PhD’s; PsyD’s; MSW’s; PT’s; LMHC; and more ~ Emily Blunt ~ Jennifer Lawrence ~ Leslie Mann ~ ALL of the cast of Bride’s Maids ~ ALL of the cast of SNL [Saturday Night Live] ~ Amy Poehler ~ Tina Fey ~ shall I go on? Here’s a list … have at it.
The thing is ~ it’s not about the cursing at all. I grew up pretty Jersey style tough in a family dominated by males as the shadow to those males. I cuss. A lot. At home and in my writing. In public? When I forget myself or feel very comfortable with you, but otherwise, not as much.
I’m just not that into if you are judging me based on the words I speak.
For the longest time, I was trapped in that false narrative that we have to worry about who likes us. It’s actually the opposite. We have to ask ourselves if we like them!
Why are we told from birth to ever worry about “fitting in” when we have nothing in common with the “them”?
Cursing is in and of itself ~ language ~ language I might add that is more than accepted and welcome in a male dominated world and yet, even other women say, “Oh, I don’t like cursing but especially when done by women” ~
I defer to the online magaine Jezebel for any further discussion about the matter. ~ their tagline is “Sex. Celebrity. Politics. With teath” ~ I’m sure they won’t be shy in talking about professional women who cuss a lot.
That’s not my focus.
Actually, I don’t give a shit if someone curses up a storm or not. No word is going to bother me. I’m immune to them. Girl ~ I’ve been called them all ~ in some circles, I’ve had my fair share of flavorful epitaphs tossed my way.
I don’t write to make other people happy.
Hell, I don’t live my life in need of praise or promise of the opinions of others. And neither should you and yet ~ here we are.
This blog ~ journey ~ new life re-write and healing space is all about people finding not only their own voice after years of trauma or stunted soul growth ~ it’s about having the freedom to be one’s self. NOT what society and culture demand of them.
Women are leaving places and spaces that no longer work for them. It’s that simple.
I gave myself permission to leave a place that was abusive ~ people who were toxic and that feeling that the other shoe was going to drop at any second because that’s what toxic single parenthood always is.
I was done with having to fight for my right to merely exist in the cruelest of places.
The hypocrisy and humor is in the knowledge that every single person who says, “I’m offended by off-color language, cussing, potty words, or cursing” would also bend over backward to have a smart female professional like Adele, come hang out with them or speak at their event. Whatever that is.
For all the people who tell Madonna or Katy Perry or Mila Kunis or Dame Judy Dench that they are not professional ~ please …. do. Then come back and let me know how that goes.
I’ll wait here ~ just knowing I will be excited to hear that story.
I’m not as spicy in my words as the writers over at Jezabel, but I do admire their colorful words. I’d much prefer their company than that of a pias, judgmental, pinched up gossip queen who throws hate all over anyone who isn’t exactly like her. (or him).
Karma has a funny way of calling people out on their bullshit.
As for habits ~ good or bad ~ have you seen The Good Place? I forking love how they approach cussing. Those benches knock it out of the park. We can change our language if we want to, but only for ourselves. Never change you for the comfort of someone else.
I don’t judge but I do know that part of the gift of writing is to shut up and observe. I’ve seen church ladies and elementary school teachers toss out some serious shade on others while sucking down wine like a hungry kitten looks to a nursing mama cat. Daily.
Unless you are crystal clear perfect in every single way ~ there is no space for being the judge, jury or critic of anyone else.
The beauty of living in our own bubble of truth is ~ we work on ourselves, for ourselves, by ourselves. Then, the right people do come along.
Here’s to finding your own truth, using whatever fucking language you want to.
No matter what your gender is.
Always remember and never forget ~ everything, no matter how clear ~ has a shadow self.
In peace and clarity,
K. Aren for @happinessnoir @InkHoneyPub @K.ArenHenryMiller @HenryHealing.com