Boundaries ~ Thriving ~ Defining

This blog is my glass house. I’m sharing what I’ve acquired along the way on my journey through this life span but I have boundaries. We all need boundaries.

Photo: @K.ArenHenryMiller

For me ~ it’s personal but it’s also a professional lens on how I got to a writing life as a full time career.

**The work I do with clients is way, way, out back in the metaphorical privacy shed. I work with survivors of trauma and people who are healing from things that are nobody’s business. Because of that, I am careful never to share stories from others**

FYI ~ When survivors tell their story ~ victims feel safer to heal from trauma.

Generalness or my own stories, Brene Brown style ~ in the rumble or from the vulnerable places of healing and growth.

I am a recovering people pleasing mark (Sucker? Target? Polyanna? Survivor) … as are many women who have survived domestic violence and PTSD. That means, hard pass on a lot more than most.

It’s a brilliant idea for everyone to just be honest about their lives. With that said, every rose has its thorns. Beligerent bullies targeting the online vulnerable is a thorn.

In my house, (here), I get to decide which comment passes through and which one doesn’t.

If someone comes here to be a jackass, they can leave ~

Brene Brown meme from

In my house, I’ll clean up my language to suit my narrative, not because someone else twitches when they read or hear the words. In truth? If they can be shitty humans in person, but flinch at reading the word ‘duck’ (my autocorrect yells at me more than my mother ever did) ~ then I would suggest they go back to self-evaluation class.

Clearly, my blog is not for them. I won’t be controlled by someone else’s idea of what the world looks like. The good news is, there are plenty others for them to go comment on.

I’m thriving. That was not always the case. This damn world and all the emotional vampires, toxic people, and jack wagon jerks under the sun saw the neon sign on my back that read, “kick me” ~

Shite, I was the target of bullies from the time I was a little kid. All through adulthood, I tried hard to fit in with the norm-narrative. From partners, friends and even husbands [I’ve had 2, 12 years apart, I’ve been cured] who decided it was okay to treat me like I was a second class citizen.

Why does that happen? Usually, the story is unique. Most likely, it’s because I was forced into an obedience box as a child, while having a personality that wanted to stand out. Conflicts in nature vs nurture are some classic personality developers.

This is citizen rising time. as SOON as Gloria Steinem wrote,

Wild Woman Sisterhood

“One day, an army of gray haired women may take over the world” ~ the world clapped back out of nervousness.

They started shoving us back down ~ calling us Karens ~ demeaning and diminishing our value ~ demanding that we, the middle aged women of the world continue to torture ourselves with how we look, or who we align with, or where we fit in. Many of us caved in the meet-cute of that great success desire.

Some traded in our right to relax for the need to be accepted.

Hey ~ whatever works for you as long as you’re not truly awful to other women who are taking on the rebellion.

Nobody deserves to be bullied. Nobody deserves to be treated like fodder for the entertainment of others. Nobody deserves to be manipulated ’cause they repeated a pattern of aligning with the same personalities as their upbringing.

When we recognize the patterns ~ we can choose to stay miserable OR

We can choose to rise above.

Defining our boundaries takes some getting used to.

Girl ~ put up those boundaries and define your life.

YOU get to decide how you will live in this world. Nobody else.

After 39 years of adulthood, I have made some whopper size mistakes while trusting people who were not trustworthy. I have struggled and crumbled from time to time. More than most. Not as much as others. The people I said, “I love you” to, turned out to be the most hateful, backstabbing, disloyal people I ever met.

Do you know how many women have privately PM’d me to share their story or tell me that they too, put up with things they never asked for or deserved?


How many knives in the back can one woman take?

There’s a march today, happening downtown , in support of human trafficking victims. Let’s go ask them. Talk about resilient. The thing is, we are always teaching/telling people to be resilient.

What I’d love to see in this field of psychology is ~ instead of telling people to “be resilient” ~ how about we tell other people not to shite all over someone’s life ’cause we, the tired don’t want to be resilient. We want to be left the f’ alone to live our own truth. Our own happiness.

I WISH I was Polyanna ~ at the beginning of the positive psych. explosion ~ we were criticizing Polyanna ~ the ultimate optimist. Why? What’s wrong with being optimistic and happy all the time? Besides it’s not reasonable or practical.

How did we go from grounded in realism to being the poster child for a billion dollar happiness industry?

I know clearly what blessings to count, while also knowing that forgiveness is only optional for others.

We don’t know what motivates people to be the way they are. Or to think the way they do.

We only know how we want to live and if we are lucky, get to live our lives without interference from anyone else.

Photo: @K.ArenHenryMiller

Unfortunately, that is not always the case. Some of us are survivors of various life events that change how we live our lives.

Put up your boundaries | Define your terms | ReWrite your life as often as you want to |

YOU decide who you will partner up with or love | Love yourself first | Let go of ego from time to time | Stay curious | Thrive all you want, but only if you want to. Other times, see what you can do to help others to feel that level of success | Allow no other to pass over your threshold unless that is what you choose.

In peace and writing your own life’s story,

(c) @happinessnoir @InkHoneyPub @K.ArenHenryMiller

Published by happinessnoir

Writer | Advocate | Free Range Female | Change Agent | Essayist

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