Domestic Violence Awareness Month

Yesterday, I had a little panic attack. I looked up from eating in the car ~ bad food choices happen ~ but that’s another conversation.

I stared into the eyes of a man sitting in a white HRR who was stopped at a stop sign. That stupid shaggy beard with his thinning man bun. That bulbous round head with glasses that didn’t quite look right. He stared right back at me.

My stomach lurched. The blood rushed from my extremities. I forgot to breathe. I could feel my heart beating out of my chest.

It wasn’t a full blown panic attack, ’cause I’ve slayed that dragon. I grounded myself, then remembered that I had a right to live my life in peace. I prepared my mind to fight. This middle aged, overweight, bone-hurting karen, was ready to do whatever it took to get that piece of garbage human out of my life. But then, my logical side kicked in. Calling the cops was good for me.

Y’all can think what you like. I’m very happy when I see the police. I want them around me all the time. When other people have destroyed your life, you want legal protection nearby.

For a hot minute, I thought he was the dude who used to smash his fist into the wall next to my head, or throw furniture ~ punch holes in walls while screaming at me and gaslighting me at the same time. The dude I gave all my trust to, who was in fact, playing a cat and mouse game of mind bending manipulation with my life. The dude who stole everything I had left at a time I was most vulnerable and heart broken.

He terrified me, humiliated me, then lied about everything. The entire personality he created was later realized to be nothing but memorizing meme wisdom. He was a classic narcissistic sociopath, from a destructive family of rage and violence. People who, because they had money, got away with hurting anyone they chose.

He was dangerous, manipulative, pathological ~ and I trusted him. Hell. I loved him. He was my best friend. He said. He was lying. He was manipulating me but I still can’t figure out his end game.

Why does someone set out to destroy another person’s life for sport? That’s the hard part. They are bored and needed a favor. A place holder until the next mark comes along.

I developed PTSD while also going through the hardest years of my life but the rural area I lived in loved to hang on to gossip, he was able to control the narrative, while I shrank into myself.

Women who survive domestic violence can and do heal from the experience ~ or the pattern of repeating that experience until they realize what it is ~ but they never return to who they were before it happened.

It is a domestic war that happens in the private hell of their own homes.

People trivialize the severity of it because it happens primarily to women. If men were the prime victims ~ we would have created a national “fix-this-shit-now” day.

Today ~ I’m sharing the words of a celebrated Man of the Cloth who succinctly created a 10-list addressing domestic violence.

Not the baseball player ~ the other Jim Palmer ~ a man who speaks openly and honestly about his crisis in faith post-awakening from being the pastor of the nation’s largest mega-church for a spell.

See, the thing is ~ people don’t want to hear about domestic violence from women who survived it ~ they want to hear it from someone with more authority … f*ck that.

Survivors, if you are reading this … I want to hear it from you. I write for you. I was you. I care about you. I want you to know that you are not alone.

And yesterday, I had a little panic attack because I am still you from time to time.

I re-heal myself every single morning when I wake up.

Every day ~ I have to remind myself that I have a right to live in peace, comfort, safety, free of nightmares, panic and fear.

Every. Fucking. Day.

Today ~ I’m leaning in to the words of others ’cause that’s how we heal. We relearn to trust … one expert at a time. It’s important to put our faith in the male narrative … to relearn how to trust men.

I’m still working on that.

Jim Palmer

1h  · October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. 

Here are 10 reasons not to be silent about domestic violence:

1. One in four women will experience domestic violence in her lifetime.

2. Every 9 seconds in the US a woman is assaulted or beaten.

3. Everyday in the US, more than three women are murdered by their husbands or boyfriends.

4. Domestic violence victims lose nearly 8 million days of paid work per year in the US alone—the equivalent of 32,000 full-time jobs.

5. Most cases of domestic violence are never reported to the police.

6. One-third of female homicide victims that are reported in police records are killed by an intimate partner.

7. Intimate partner violence results in more than 18.5 million mental health care visits each year.

8. 30% to 60% of perpetrators of intimate partner violence also abuse children in the household.

9. Boys who witness domestic violence are twice as likely to abuse their own partners and children when they become adults.

10. Sexual assault or forced sex occurs in approximately 40-45% of battering relationships.

If you are a victim of domestic violence or abuse, you can begin seeking help and support here ->…/domestic-violence-and-abuse… 

Here are 7 things you can do to stop domestic violence:

1. You can learn as much as you can about the issue and make a personal commitment to talk about domestic violence with someone you suspect may be a victim. 

2. You can let the young people in your life know early on that violence in a relationship is never acceptable under any circumstances.

3. You can invite community leaders to speak out about domestic violence at town hall meetings and other places where the public gather.

4. You can consider bringing these issues to the forefront at your workplace, at your kids’ school, through your local media outlets and social media.

5. You can work with your local domestic violence agency to be sure the places in your community have information about domestic violence and where to go for help.

6. You can make a contribution to your local domestic violence agency.

7. You can share this post. 

Domestic violence impacts both women and men. When we remain silent about domestic violence we become complicit in this tragedy. 

Jim Palmer 

I guess today was confession day.

In peace and honesty,

(c) @happinessnoir @InkHoneyPub @K.ArenHenryMiller

Published by happinessnoir

Writer | Advocate | Free Range Female | Change Agent | Essayist

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