Reclaim your life. Wake up and decide in that moment that you hold all the power.
You are going to make the day the very best of your life.
I know. Sounds corny in a motivational speaker smarmy sort of way … and yet, it is how you break those patterns of negative thinking. Don’t gaslight yourself though. Don’t challenge your thoughts.
It’s hard enough for a survivor of trauma to simply live their lives. In today’s world, they are being shamed for not always thinking positive thoughts or blamed for what happened to them.
I really wish I could come up with that magic message to the professionals in the healing industry (psychology, counseling, holistic and mindfulness industries) that explains how we must dig deeper before diagnosing or assuming outcomes when it comes to trauma survivors. Particularly, female trauma survivors of sexual assault.
The brain rewired. There is no normal. There is only a new normal that she has to adapt to.
And to the survivors?
You have to take your mental health into your own hands. None of us know you better than you know you. We’re all here to walk along side your journey, but we’re not you.
The motivational speakers can only help so far. They are passionate (some) about their message, but it’s up to us to apply that message to our own lives.
I wish I could reach every single person out there who thinks that they are all alone. I remember that feeling. It’s just not true. There are (sadly) millions of people who are survivors of things they don’t talk about in public.
They don’t have to. Society wants to gossip about their story, giving little to no deep thought about what that experience means to someone’s mental health.
We have to ignore them, but to ask that of a survivor of trauma is asking them to move a boulder size rock from their path.
When we whimsically type out “reclaim your life” ~ many people don’t fully grasp that for some ~ every day is the only day.
Step by step
If you have to give yourself a pep talk ~ write it all out ~ jump up and down … or fake laugh until you’re really laughing … go up into the mountains and bellow as loud as you have to … whatever it takes!
We’re all out here talking about ‘thriving’ ~ it’s a great goal. Know what though? It’s not for everyone.
Surviving is good. Surviving is also a great goal. We have to stop psychologically bypassing everyone who wants to just make it through the day.
They deserve happiness too. Their happiness may look differently from yours but that doesn’t mean it’s any less. It’s not.
I wish I could reach each and every survivor to let them know that they can reclaim their life but it will be a sculpting of their newly emerged self.
We are these organic sentient beings.
It is not your fault that someone hurt you. That’s on them.
It’s not your fault that society blames you (some … some of them, not all of them) for the things that hurt you. THAT is on them.
I realize that not all people who seek outside sources for a journey into reclaiming one’s sense of self but in a world filled with a mine field of others who intentionally serve as road blocks to a happier life, damn if it doesn’t influence all of us.
To reclaim oneself is to acknowledge that outside sources tried to take a piece of us without our permission.
From severe and brutal assault to the lesser, yet insidious gossip about our character to a sense of loss of some part of us along the way, we have from time to time, been lost.
It took me several decades to realize that having a backup plan wasn’t the way everyone prepared for life. It took me several lifetimes to realize that not everyone needs two doors.
That’s what trauma does to the brain. We have to exist in a space where there is more than one way out. We are cautious to the extreme. We don’t like being cornered. We sit with our backs to the wall.
It’s not just smart, it’s a sense of safety.
Counting our blessings; having gratitude for our experiences; realizing our grit and resilience … these are all good things.
They are not good enough when we are also always looking over our shoulder.
We, the survivors of trauma are here to tell you that just because we have become stronger than any influencer on a golden ticket ride to stardom, we can not control how other people are.
When an abusive person feels entitled to hurt your life, there is nothing we can do to control their narrative.
We can’t make them stop being a jack wagon.
We can openly talk about our experiences with them. We can even tell our story of the relationship.
We can rush to groups, clubs, self-help centers and therapy, but that still will only strengthen our own sense of who we are. It will not make them leave us the f*ck alone.
We have to do that.
The law isn’t interested and we all know it. They are, but they need concrete evidence.
One time, after a decade of financial, emotional, mental, and social abuse, when I parted ways with someone, the advice I received was,
“Did he hit you? Get him to hit you so you have physical proof”
Do you know how many women have heard this same advice? From the legal system AND from family or friends?
Too many to count.
When a misguided bored person loses their way, they buy the popular girls’ self-help book, then go on to leap on that beach in the flowing white dress. They create a Pinterest board, and share their color pallet with the world.
The world rejoices.
But when a trauma survivor announces that they have created a space of safety and belonging, many times, they are treated as if they are attention seeking or in desperate need of validation.
The world ignores.
It is not for them. Don’t reclaim your life for them. Do it for you and only you.
This is going to feel like the most selfish time in your entire life (it’s often those who give and give who are most taken advantage of).
It’s not selfish ~ it’s self love.
Love yourself so fiercely that you are ready to let the entire rest of the world go so you can pursue your happiness on your own terms, in your own way, at your own pace.
I’m here for you. Somewhere around here, I have an email and phone number. Text me. Let me know you’re reclaiming. The power is in knowing that there is just one other person out there who is hearing you.
There’s magic in that connection. Powerful magic.
Hey, I’m loaded up with crystals and candles, angel cards and meditation from eastern and western cultures. I had long, deep conversations with God and powerfully personal connection through grounding.
I have done ALL the things to heal. Whatever. It. Takes. Whatever. You. Connect. With.
Do that. Be that. Love …. yourself so much that you don’t need anyone else to validate who you are.
Be your own kind of happy. Nobody else gets a piece of you.
In peace and solidarity with you,
(c) @happinessnoir @InkHoneyPub @K.ArenHenryMiller