Gaslighting ~ set it on fire.

#MeToo and #MeTooPhD are both movements that were intended to help people to finally come forward with their trauma.

Photo by Taryn Elliott on

They said, “I’m going to own this narrative, and it will not rule my life or emotional trauma ever again”.

Then, they were gaslit … again. And again. And, again.

Toxic, psychological bypassing types said, “You’re so negative. You should move on and not hold onto the past.”

While also complaining or displaying outrage over things that happened 400 years ago.

Mind you, our entire country is built on beating ourselves up; misunderstandings, outright violence followed by expressing concern over the state of affairs in the moment.

Waves of gaslighting have integrated into our culture.

People who say they care about the mental health and well being of society, will also gladly disregard or degrade a person who is having a crisis.

Instead of helping society, individuals choose to degrade anyone they pose as a threat.

I’m writing about this in my NaNoWriMo.

After three decades of putting up with this exact behavior, I’m over it.

The shocking behavior of online deplorable treatment of others that seems to be thrilling to some, while horrifying to others is what I’ve lived with my entire life.

Millions of people are coming forward with their #MeToo stories. And yet, look at how quickly society said, “Oh, a female is hurt? Well, she should get over it. She should be tougher than that. She thinks that’s bad, well, you should hear MY survival story…” As if we are comparing and competing.

One person’s pain is not a competition to anyone else’s pain.

People are being really shitty toward each other.

If you have blinders on, or the luxury of privilege to look the other way, you will only focus on the good, lovely, happy, positive side of life.

Instead of our field focusing on bringing the balance we were all so excited about in the beginning (not even a full 20 years ago), we have tipped the scales toward ignore the negatives that do in fact happen and keep happening to people.

We were originally told in the positive psychology field, that we were answering the call to the 70% who do not have a statistical probability of a mental illness. We became filler. Then, we became a bunch of gaslighting asshats who ignore the pain of the 30% entirely.

How did that happen?

Social media.

Uneducated, and untrained in the science of psychology opportunists who realized that their ego could enjoy being stroked with money, fame and power.

It’s an age old epic tale of greed, power, and land.

Maybe not physical land, but emotional land.

The land that takes up space in our emotional and physical minds.

When we said, “Let’s all be vulnerable”, everyone sort of discounted the fragility of expressing our vulnerable side that is also a terrible, heart breaking truth of abuse.

If you are:





Older than 40

A combo meal of any of the above also means you are climbing the steepest mountain you see.

Society doesn’t want to hear it if you’re story isn’t fresh. They aren’t as interested in you if you also hold excess weight on your body. If you are labelled a “baby boomer”, you’re considered outdated. If you lived for years in abuse relationships at work or at home, you are shamed and blamed for the damage done to your person.

The more of these factors there are, the more society wants nothing to do with your vulnerability or, your narrative.

It doesn’t matter where you live.

It does matter who you know though. If you butter up to the big names, or the financially secure, to the physically beautiful, or wealthy (appearing) successfully connected power houses, then, you are welcome to try to hold on to your love of life.

If not. If you are an outlier, or not as great at public speaking or, the curse of death of a voice is if you are also introverted, then you might as well, leave social media and find something quiet to do.

It’s the truth. They all know it.

“Think positively” is a kiss of death for people with tortured minds. It’s a daily fist fight with your own brain.

Do you think the abusers stop, just because you told them to?

F*ck no.

They enjoyed having a punching bag. Metaphorical and literally so.

Do you think they go away?


They will insert themselves into your life any time they get bored with whatever target/mark/sucker they are currently f*cking over. When they need to feel power again, they just go back in time, seeking out whoever it was that was blindsided with their abuse.

Do police or the legal system do anything about it? No. This sin’t CSI or NCIS. In the real world, lawyers tie things up for as long as possible. Sure, they have a system. It’s just not a system that provides justice for victims of abuse.

So instead, we have the #MeToo movement.

What happens there?

All the people who LOVE to participate but have no clue what it’s like to live in an abusive relationship, will side with the most charming person in the room.

Who is the most charming person in the room?

Why the abuser, and the sociopath of course. They LOVE to torment, then charm everyone else.

Have you seen You on Netflix.

It’s highly disturbing just how many women fawn all over the psychopath, saying, ‘but he’s so cute!!!!!’. Um, he’s a narcissistic psychopath who kills people.

Not cute.

At the very least, we would hope that women helped women but in reality, they don’t. They can in fact, make life that much worse.

They will emotionally and financially destroy other women, should they decide that she needs to be cancelled.

Terrifying state of the world today is the mob mentality of the Middle Ages, yet it’s happening all the time on social media.

Is today’s social media in fact, a repeat of the Middle Ages, the witch trials, the hangings based on rumor.

Is it even worth it to try to bring any of this to the world’s attention?

Taking from yet another meme, “we become what we think about” ~ well if this is true, we would becoming the monsters who pursue and stalk us.

And yet, we’re not. We are the ones who seek peace the most. We are the ones who wish that everyone would just get along. We are the healers and helpers who suffered to the point of never wishing that on anyone else. And yet, we also have to fight our way through our thoughts.

The dark side of happy is, for those of us who lived through hell, we know that we will survive it again, like we did the first time. And, we have an obligation to help others who lived through it.

So, the point of this?

Keep going if you’re only now feeling the sting of the realization that others have intent to harm.


Your story is not over.

This is only a journey toward your strength. It’s not an end point. There are millions of people out there who have gone through or are going through exactly what you are. Don’t give up.

We’re here. And we’re going to be here for you. Let’s tip those scales back to a balance between the positive and negative.


(c) @happinessnoir @InkHoneyPub @K.ArenHenryMiller

Published by happinessnoir

Writer | Advocate | Free Range Female | Change Agent | Essayist

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