Push out the Gratitude like it’s a 10-pound baby

That’s the way it feels sometimes.

They try to tell us HOW or WHY or WHEN to be grateful. Then, they (the collective professional field of they’s)… shame or blame us if we are NOT guilty for not feeling gratitude all over the place. Gratitude is being spread around like bad mashed potatoes.

A message from the therapist side of my brain.

YOU get to decide if you are grateful or not.

YOU get to take your time with the gratitude, nobody has the right to tell you how to feel.

YOU can be grateful for tough times, but you don’t have to be. You can also be furious, if someone hurt you, and outraged if someone cheated you and you can even be emotionally triggered when they start their flying monkey nonsense while you are doing your best to live your life in peace.

I saw a lot of “I’m so grateful”…. blah blah blah all over social media today.

What it comes down to is this …. the peer pressure is strong these days.

Pressure from the field of positive psychology (they don’t realize it, or the ripple effect they have on people who need a break from being guilted into positivity). Pressure from the new age lot (of which, I am one as a Reiki master/practitioner). Pressure from businesses that sell everything from banking to funerals to freaking toothpaste.

I saw a sign today that read, “Your Positivity Team” …. um, corporate greed logo’s now shove it down our throats.

This is NOT the field I signed up for.

Today, I also saw a video clip of Mel Robbins emulating Gary Vernerchuck who BOTH are promoting themselves as the “positivity” experts after they piggy backed the wave of positivity band wagon.

YOU do NOT have to pretend to like what other people are pretending to love” ~ Emma Watson.

When you are ready to bounce back to a place of happiness, cheer, gratitude, self-love, healthy habits and all around whole person well-being …. then …. celebrate yourself. Or, as Donna said,

Treat Yo Self

(Parks and Recreation)

Until then, while the world is telling us how HAPPY they are, they are also not taking into account that some of us … want to be sad. We want to honor our sad parts. We don’t want to be grateful right now. We want to grieve.

My dog was my world. For sixteen years. The very first time I met him, he was literally the size of a chihuahua Beanie Baby. I promised him on that very day when he was 11 weeks old, scared and overwhelmed … that I would take care of him until the day he died.

That day was 3 days ago almost to the hour and I’m STILL crying. I’m a crier, so will be sad for a while. I have no intention of putting away his bed, or his food bowl. His crate is staying put. His cat friends have been walking around the house looking for him. They still smell him.

I’ll be grateful for having him in my life as my baseline, but right now, I’ll just miss him like crazy.

In a world that has had so much loss this past year, I would have thought that our focus should be on grief counseling and grief healing, not … positivity.


The HEALTHY thing to do if you’ve had a great amount of loss is to grieve the way that feels right for you. Some good days. Some bad days. Gratitude will wait. It always does.

If you are taking care of yourself, and I hope you are, then measure your moments, and feel good about honoring your truth.

Authenticity is the alchemy of all healing.

Besides, I never trust a guy trying to sell me a car/house/tube of toothpaste/program/book if they aren’t also a bit more balanced with putting truth as a priority over positivity.

Nobody is THAT happy all the time.

Especially when and if their dog/best friend dies in their arms.

I plan on being good and cranky for a while. You’re welcome to join me if you are also measuring moments by being real about your reality.

There is this …. a baseline of gratitude does in fact heal … but damn if anyone has the right to tell us that we HAVE to be grateful for anything.

One person’s experience is NEVER to be measured against someone else’s. That is 100% the way life is.

No comparison ~ no “should’ve; could’ve; would’ve” allowed in the House of Henry Healing OR here at Happiness Noir.

If you are grateful for something tomorrow, GREAT!

If you are not grateful for anything ’cause the spirit didn’t move you yet … that’s okay to. There is hopefully, always tomorrow.


I’m grateful that my little dude is no longer in pain. I’m not grateful that he was IN pain for months. That part totally sucked.

We could do this all night, but I think you get the point.

Happy whatever you decide to do with your time on the national holiday tomorrow. We’re in a no turkey zone. I think we’re having empanadas & a few other things that are outside the norm. Grateful to have food, a nice house, healthy kids and precocious cats.

yadda yadda … now if only the Christmas movies would step it up a notch! I’m not so grateful for the shotty production of the mass produced thing that used to be my favorite part of the day.

In peace and gratitude,

(c) @happinessnoir @InkHoneyPub @K.ArenHenryMiller

Published by happinessnoir

Writer | Advocate | Free Range Female | Change Agent | Essayist

3 thoughts on “Push out the Gratitude like it’s a 10-pound baby

  1. Thank you. I’m in Oz, not your land, so am unencumbered by another compulsory (and dubiously motivated) holiday. I’m grateful to have toxic purveyors of toxic positivity around me at times because they provide handy targets for my bile. 😀 I’m genuinely pleased to have your words in my feed like a breath of fresh air. A massive YES to grief counselling and grief healing. YES.


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