If you want scandal, call Shonda Rhimes. I’m here as a healer so if you’re an abuser, I will first expose you, and then, talk about that, as any good writer would, and then, forget that you exist entirely, as any wild woman of the sisterhood would. That’s what Shonda has mastered. She is a master class in writing complex human interaction. I HOPE her next show is about those who work in domestic violence. (link below for the real hotline)

Scandal, Shonda Rhimes and Shondaland

In other news, I’m still on the fence of the TikTok/Instagram thing. YouTube? I say, ‘um’ a lot when I’m in my conscious head.

I think I’m happiest when I’m designing a perfect office or organization in my head. Some people are in the helping profession to help individuals, but my historic experience led me to the study of systems. Good bosses vs bad bosses and including how each member of an organization has an influence on the whole.

Strong leadership ~ devoted employees who have clarity; purpose, and their own personal mission statement. A product or service that means something to the consumers so they feel good about spending their hard earned money on that product.

Nerdy I know, but I saw a happiness index on a giant employment search engine yesterday which then, got my thoughts redirected toward my love of I/O psychology.

Photo by Anna Shvets on

Yes. I love the study of systems. I dream about ways to improve the quality of workplace happiness. No. Not happiness. That sometimes gets confused with NEEDING everyone to be happy. I think ‘satisfaction’ is a better word.

Weird, right? From such a ‘B’ brained emotional creature. I just want everyone to be nice.

That’s a childhood wish. Hasn’t come true yet, so I guess I’ll get over it.

Actually, not at all.

We all live in systems all the time.

Plus, remember, I got a master’s degree in community psychology which also studies systems and what makes them tick.

I’m most psychologically interested in making a system better so individuals can live better lives.

One on One counseling is very important and executive coaching empowers bosses to be happier so they can become better bosses.

To change the paradigm of an entire system?

That’s where my particular skill set of nuance and tone allow me to really wake up to the pain points of the world.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

This sounds like a Linkedin advertisement.

It’s more like the Netflix phenomenon, Sense 8. Without all the sexy stuff that is. In real life, the sexy stuff isn’t as sexy as one would have you believe *I digress back to Shondaland*.

The point is ….

We are all interconnected through our flow of need and want. Every one of our decisions is a piece of our collective whole.

When one person falters, the ripple effect can feel it.

When one succeeds, that energy is sent out into the universe as the butterfly effect.

Everything I do in my job, circles back to what I do in my writing and back again.

The infinity of thought, action and behavior is part of the cultivation of a life ~ it’s up to us to make it well lived or not.

For people who’ve had traumatic events or domestic violence in their lives, one of their wings was broken (maybe cut off entirely) ~ again … metaphor here.

They can’t fly as they used to, so they have to adapt, adjust the other wing, and learn another way to move around.

When we have chaos in our brains, we live in chaos.

When we live in chaos, we feel chaos as we navigate the world.

The Butterfly Effect when applied to trauma. How do we counter the chaos? The butterfly effect applied to compassion and empathy toward others.

When someone intentionally creates chaos so that our life’s story won’t be heard, or respected, or believed (something all trauma and abuse survivors live with), a part of our whole life order is disrupted by the never ending infinity that does, from time to time, feel broken.

It’s not broken.

Scandal isn’t just a Shondaland entertainment series, it’s also something that happens to real people in real time, all the time.

Those who have never experienced it just don’t truly grasp the devastation. In real life, not everyone survives trauma.

That’s why systems must live up to the standards of excellence, particularly when working with such vulnerable people.

Do you know what it feels like to live under the tsunami that is an abusive household? Even if there is no physical abuse (to speak of, according to the current legal system). It feels as if the entire community stood around watching while your skin was peeled from your body while every raw nerve is exposed.

Life after abuse feels like standing on a teeter totter ball, trying to balance your mental health while not falling into the pit of despair below.

Trauma doesn’t just focus on one tiny part of the human system. It permeates every inch of that human’s life. From the nervous system to the cells, to the chemical impulses to the the ripple of emotions that happens every time they have to interact with anyone.

The more they need help from the world at large, the more they also need kindness, grace, compassion and a professional helping system that will understand that they are not working at full capacity.

Someone cut off one of their gossamer wings. The human is trying to provide for themselves, their children and their pets, if they have them.

They need the community services to treat them with respect and dignity (many of those systems still operate in an antiquated idea to shame or blame that human). Dehumanizing in the human industries is very common.

So see?

Systems. It’s all interconnected.

We are connected in that we sense each other’s energy.

When I hear helping professionals talk about “sense someone’s energy. if it’s off, or negative, distance yourself from them” ~ my head explodes.

The thing that traumatized people need more than anything?

They WILL have some negative energy, because fear is a negative emotion! (I’ll debate this one another time).

So while they are healing ~ the systemic prejudice against them is overwhelmingly also contributing to their trauma and reopening wounds.


This is exactly the opposite of what they need.

And when the meme making multi millionaires are out there in their flowy white dresses talking about staying positive, unless that conversation also shares how positively powerful it is to learn about fight club or boxing or some other way for them to manifest a stronger mind/body/spirit.

When the helping systems are proactively engaging in empathy and compassion, then and only then, are they helping this fragile, raw nerve that is walking around as a whole human.

Now that’s not too scandalous is it?

Yes. It can be. Some systems are very very broken.

That’s why the more people speak up, the more the systems will have to change.

Cheers to all the brave souls who create content about systemic change and domestic violence as it emerges from the shadows of humanity.

Also ~ to Shonda for showing us just how dysfunctional humanity can be in a more entertaining way. ’cause I am a fangirl and will mention her writing genius always. 🙂


@happinessnoir @inkhoneypub

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