Everyone loves to offer up 3, 4, 5, 10 bullet pointed lists so today, I’m doing the same.
This one is so easy. I’ll use my cats as a perfect example of how we can get people to change how they treat us.
- They are cats. They do what they want
- Cats are nocturnal. You’re sleeping, but they are bored. They wake you up.
- Cats get hungry at night. They will wake you up.
- Cats can’t tell time, they miss you. You will get a toe bean sandwich boop in the face at 2 am
- They say that spirits come to visit you. I’d like to see a survey of everyone visited by spirit at 3 am to see how many of them have a cat. Statistically speaking, The spirit told the cat to sit on your chest so it feels too heavy. It’s usually the chonkiest of the cats.
OH, and here’s a bonus change agent
IF you also have a very important day tomorrow, they will sleep all day while you are home working, but stay ready to party that night before the “big thing”
In other words, we can’t change cats, nor can we change people.
Not unless they want to change. Not unless they are intrinsically motivated to change. Not unless they become consciously aware of their behavior or actions, then take steps to change not only themselves, but also the environment around them.
Cats don’t change.
People can. But I was serious about the
- Intrinsic motivation (what’s in it for them)
- Consciously aware of the behavior they want to change
- Popular belief in their environment demands that they change. Social pressure.
We can’t change other people. Not even in how they treat you. Sometimes, they are unaware of how they treat you. Other times, if you try to tell them, they don’t see it and won’t acknowledge it.
We have to change ourselves.
The way we do that is to go on a two year long journey of relative or total isolation from society and all extraneous noise. We observe ourselves in thought, action and emotion.
Can’t do that either?
I did it to a certain extent, but now it’s time to get back into the world.
Even Jay Shetty did his monk training in a place filled with other monks, with a master teacher. Today the charming pop-culture icon quotes everyone else as if it’s his own and speaks as a relationship expert even though he’s still on the high of young love, and not a multi-decade long life of wisdom.
Why do people flock to Jay Shetty?
He’s good looking (yes, humans are that shallow)
He’s started off with a great story and a book (I’m guessing there was no ghost writer)
He married a beautiful woman who looks like him
They are having high energy fun on social media
They both offer wisdom as only a twenty something year old happy couple can.
Happy is trending so no matter what they’re like in private, they are happy, on point and fully emerged in what’s hot in cultural topics.
That’s the online personality at a prime. I still enjoy listening to what he has to say and how he says it. I’m still going to be happy for his success even though I don’t know him or his wife or his full tight friend group.
But that’s on me.
I get to choose who I am ~ nobody else.
The same goes for you. You get to decide who you are in the world. If others don’t like it, there’s nothing you can do about that. You can watch, read and listen to the motivational speakers all you want to try to figure out how to “change other people”
What’s that book? “How to influence people and change others” or something like that.
The truth is,
What you CAN change is how to respond to those others. Trust me on this first experience perspective. They will do what they do. I tried to influence and change others one or twice. It just got worse, and worse.
What I did to be happy?
I left the table ~ walked away from the group and shifted focus toward finding new people!
In today’s social media world, mob mentality is much, much worse. We’re talking about millions and billions of views on your social media. You almost have to tune all of them out. If not, it will get to you.
An example? Noodle the dog! ALL that account [jongraz] on Tik Tok ~ is about is his adorable, sweet old dog. He is 100% always upbeat, positive and sweet. And yet, even with 4.6 Million followers and 67 million views who check in ~
He STILL gets hate mail in the way of comments.
Who would hate on one of the happiest people on social media? And why????? Noodle has a bones day or no bones day. Totally clean cut innocent.
Because there is darkness out there and they try to get noticed by being toxic about everything. That is NOT the same thing as the dark side of happiness by the way.
Advocating for human rights and safety of others ~ or emotional health including the sad or other less positive emotions is 100% different from intentionally being awful.
We don’t know why people are the way they are.
Well, some of us do, ’cause we study humanity but even then, ego can get in the way.
What we CAN do to change the environment around us?
- Get out there and meet new people
- Learn from those who already successfully navigated your new culture
- Stay open to understanding the relationship between your self and others
- Be at peace with the change as it’s happening
- Fight for your right to be where you are. Nobody gets to take that away from you
I hope Noodle is okay.
I hope the Shetty’s keep going strong
I hope to find readers who support my writing and get something useful out of it.
Most of all ~ I hope, in spite of their personality and behavior, people all go out and adopt ALL the cats.
‘Cause really, as annoying as they are, they are also so much fun in all their weirdness.
We can’t change how people treat us. That is 100% on them.
We can change ourselves to either:
- Share how it makes us feel, then stay or go, depending on how our feelings were received.
- Don’t share how we feel, then stay or go, depending on how our feelings are honored.
- Settle for being less than we are in order to suit the comfort level of those around us.
I hope you don’t pick #3. But then, none of us are in your shoes, so we can’t tell you what to do.
I know … that there is always either time off like Noodle’s dad Jon ~ to take care of himself.
Or, there is always a forging through with clarity, purpose and the ability to NOT think about what other people think of you, like Jay Shetty who has turned that into an art form.
For us normal humans, we can also find other people who will support us, like us, honor and respect us.
Being in a healthy environment where we get to be ourselves is the BEST feeling in the world.
I hope you get to live your you today!