I had a 200,000 word flow of thoughts written here prior to 2022. From October to December. Rants. Rage. Frustration. Love. Healing. It’s all energy.
They lacked clarity and direction. The energy felt … off but then the thought popped up. Off for whom?
Not me. It was on point for me. The readers reading it didn’t like it though.
Last year cracked open the last of healing. That definitive moment when you transition from living a life that was controlling you to living a life you purposefully choose.
There is no end date or transition time’s up.
We get to decide how we will live our lives. The people who try to push in with their opinion of how you’re supposed to live, never seem to get that memo.
We all know those people who attract popularity, wealth, success, and somehow, also look deliriously happy all the time.
I’m happy for those people. That’s the energy I want to put out there.
My ego however, has been living in a life that has had to fight for everything. She doesn’t always wish people well. That’s just the truth I don’t try to hide.
I’ve seen people brag and boast and shoot others down in order to make themselves more successful. I’m not a fan.
We’ve all seen people fight for everything, only to fail or fall. Instead of standing back, to give them breathing room so they can focus on their mental health, the online world instead, crushes them in their time of need.
Except for some.
There is a barber with a hardship back story who simply gives haircuts for free. He’s on the streets, offering wisdom learned in life along with the haircut.
(I’m not naming, ’cause this isn’t click bait, but you can find him by googling that last paragraph).
He inspires me, and millions of others to wake up every day to do better. To be, better. To treat others with compassion and empathy is where our energy SHOULD be. GOOD Energy.
You can FEEL his sincerity.
This past year didn’t create a space of loving compassion though, did it. This country is filled with some hateful, hurtful words.
Using cuss words is not hateful, but people will gaslight you into thinking that’s the worst thing you can do.
Using religion to throw hate …. I can’t even rap my brain around that energy. But then, I’ve met ‘the church lady’ or a dozen. People who are pias judgemental haters are living in a truth that seems, incompatible with society and culture. Except, it’s become a huge part of our culture.
Our online influence encourages it.
People in real life don’t think anything of it.
I once worked with a younger teacher who was just terrible at her job. Beyond that, she once said, “Everyone gossips. It’s normal to gossip. That’s just part of life.” ~ In response to why she, and her nurse mother, were using snapchat to gossip about their day (and student/clients). HIPPA & FERPA violation galore! When I brought it to the attention of the Principal AND Superintendent, they brushed it off and ignored me.
I was dumbstruck.
It wasn’t the energy I wanted, so I left that job, never looking back.
Toxic is toxic.
I walked away. IF the leaders of that school welcomed all the fuckery that happened there, I knew I wasn’t going to get involved. It was not my circus, not my monkeys.
Reflecting on so many of the choices we made throughout our lives, along with the decisions we made along the way, can lead to self awareness, but it can also lead to layers of micro traumas we didn’t even think of as something to heal from.
Last year, I learned that one of the full tenured professors I used to quote, and admire, had been sexually harassing his students in a very disgusting way. Then, he was shocked that people didn’t love him for it.
Do you know how bad it must be to try to fire a hot shot tenured professor? It had to be bad, but he threatened anyone in his way with law suits ~ just to keep his job.
When we are influenced by big name people (I was supporting him before his ‘big name’) … then find out they were being shitty humans, it’s a blow to the ego. That’s how trauma survivors who’ve been advocating for sexual violence survivors react.
Take Bill Cosby for example. Not comparing the two, but there is a spectrum of abuse.
The pain he caused his students who brought charges against him was enormous.
The ambivalence by the professional circle we were both in, shocked me.
More than his act. The powerful influencers ignored what he did, and even celebrated him. They didn’t give a fig for the women he hurt.
Being around immoral males is sadly common place for most females.
The fact that people tell you to “get over it” is stunningly infuriating.
This is where energy enters the healing game.
Without money, power, power playing influencers or great physical beauty to back you up, don’t get into the advocacy business.
The energy it takes to change a paradigm is enormous.
The energy you have to give as an advocate, takes more out of you than realized.
When you are also working on cultivating your own life across your lifespan, giving away your energy to the protests is giving away your life.
If you have a chorus of others who back you, that energy can be channeled in healthy ways.
To do what Greta Thunberg or Malala Yousafzai did? GOOD Energy ~ you can feel their passion for the planet outside of themselves.
That’s a unicorn moment. These two young women are unicorns.
We can’t all be the unicorn, nor should you be.
Not unless you have a team, a financially secure backing and the hand of someone in a powerfully influential place.
That’s how people change the world. As part of a collective.
We can’t change others.
We can change how we respond to others.
We can shift our focus to include putting ourselves first.
Put yourself first.
The world will constantly show you others that you don’t like.
You can feel enraged at how others are, but unless you’re ready to give up all your energy and attention to rant and rage at the behaviors of others ~ don’t do it.
Put yourself first.
Give yourself love and grace.
No matter what you say or what you do, there will be critics. There will be others who will throw shade at you. There will be people who don’t like you. People you don’t even know will have something to say about you.
When someone’s gone though trauma, they will not be able to say,
The #1 thing that all trauma survivors don’t do … until they do … is give themselves permission to live in their own healed, happy, self-focused lives.
“Bring it On” in theory, sounds amazing ~ it is not in truth, easy.
They’ll retreat into the shadows, afraid of everyone and everything.
They’ll mind their business because they don’t have the energy to change the toxic parts of our society.
Ironically, the moment someone gets on social media to talk about mental health, all the creeps in the world ooze out of the woodwork to attack their mental health.
We can’t change others ~ we also can’t fully change ourselves.
Not because of self strength, but because no matter what you say or do, society and culture will have something to say about it.
Nobody has the right to push into your life. Today? The collective are acting like the Middle Ages.
Mob mentality is the ugliest I’ve seen it in decades.
That means, we have to ignore the noise while ignoring those internal voices of people who have no business taking up real estate in your thoughts.
Give yourself your own energy. Stay as authentic as you can be. You will be happier when you follow your own intuitive life.
All of this is true.
For anyone who also lives with past trauma, or had life experiences that changed that for you, it will NOT be easy.
None of the memes are saying that.
The shift toward living a healthier, stronger life ~ is NOT easy.
It takes all your energy to first fix you, and then … when you’re ready … to become that version of yourself that feels good.
Emotions. Thoughts. Behaviors. Actions. Social Worldviews.
It’s ALL energy.
Here’s to stepping into your true self.
(While also telling everyone else to go …. well, you know what I’m going to say).