Are they on your side?

I’m writing about this today but first ~ an announcement from my advertiser … um, me.

Photo: @WildWomanSisterhood

I’ve been blogging since 2011 w/SEO-strong blogs. Now, I’m going to extend my writing to Fivvr and Upwork … Page TBA. After a decade of writing novels for fun, w/five of them published for peanuts ~ it’s time to kick it up a notch.

And now, back to my regularly scheduled thought for today ~

People on your side ~ are your tribe.

How can you tell?

Be authentically, genuinely yourself.

Say what you want, when you want. Do what you feel pulled toward. Write in your own voice or the voice of the characters you create, if you write fiction. Tell your story. Heal your wounds. Be yourself online and in person.

Now, who was there to cheer you on?

Who is quick to criticize you?

The people who were there to cheer you on, while offering either support or a healthy critique of your work ~ not a criticism, but honest truth … they are your people. That’s your tribe.

The people quick to laugh, judge, mock, or ghost you?

Not your people. Not your tribe.

There is nothing quite so lonely as being surrounded by a world of people who only cause you insult and pain.

The opposite is also true.

When you have sincere people in your life (and yes, your online friends are your friends too), the work flows and the love knows.

It will take me a little extra to craft the online life I envision for myself. I have some mountains to climb.

It’s been a while, and a journey through a few things to get to this place. Each step toward the life I want is a step away from the life that I didn’t want.

On a healing journey, it’s not going to happen in one day. It’s not going to happen in one week.

Your mind has to stay focused on the emotion you want to feel when you’re living in your truth.

If that means that you have to process some dark thoughts, then process them. Let them run through your mind, then out again.

Being present in the moment isn’t fully possible all the time. Our minds don’t work that way.

The thing that feels MOST uncomfortable for me is, I’m putting my writing out there on several big pages.

I also know that I have active cyber bullies who have followed me from the days of the flying monkeys of certain narcissistic sociopaths.

Do you think that domestic violence abusers just … stop … once they’ve found their next mark? Or that the people who once tormented your life for sport just get bored and go away?


It doesn’t work that way. I mean … some of them do. Eventually.

In truth, once someone has disrespected you, devalued you, dehumanized you, discarded you, … they believe they are entitled to do so for the rest of all times.

If you suffered a mental health crisis because of it, you will have to build up a sense of grit and resilience that is beyond the average bear. You have to become stronger than most.

Ironically, those very same people are total cowards.

They hide behind ‘anonymous’. They ghost stalk you. You know they’re there, but you stopped paying attention to them.

They create fake accounts just to harass you.

You know they are there, but you chose.

You choose to not give them oxygen every time they light a match.

If they are so obsessed with you that they continue to cyber stalk you after years ~ then they have a problem.

You don’t.

You healed.

You kicked trauma’s ass and moved on.

YOU … get to live your life.

That’s the #1 thing I think is causing our crisis level anxiety and stress these days.

Everyone is being just awful to strangers or former … whomever … online.

While they back channel make fun of you, you chose to ignore them.

Instead of openly talking about what they did to you, for your own sense of growth and maturity, they are still fixated on hurting you.

There are other people in this world who will be on your side.

It may take a while to find them, since learning how to trust again is one of the biggest hurdles.

But they are there.

Plus, if you HAVE been through trauma, you won’t exactly be too worried about it, will you?

You … trauma and domestic violence survivors who have healed … I see you and I know you know this to be true.

You were forced into living through Dante’s Nine levels of hell on your healing journey. You learned how to survive.

You don’t NEED the tribe or circle or side car loyal friends to be a whole and complete person.

You know you can dine alone, be alone, live … alone and be just fine.

When the truly good people do come along though, and they feel like sticking around, then, that’s nice too.

We’re living in a world that NEEDS a network.

You don’t.

That will scare or confuse some people

Be you anyway ~ love yourself first.

Put yourself first.

Clarify your goals, dreams, and plan.

If they are there as ghosts, ignore them, or call them out of the shadows.

There’s a big name researcher out there whose just put out a new book and podcast/campaign (authors of all books do the press junket to sell their books). Researchers are no different than movie makers or influencers in that way. But, his concept this time (last time was how to be happier) ~ how to be infallible.

He’s teaching people how to be anti fragile.

I haven’t heard it or read the book (is it out yet?) so will give a listen.

But the concept is a sound one.

It’s what trauma survivors do.

After two years of the skyrocketing domestic violence and abuse ~ everyone is now talking about narcissism. It exploded after a certain Voldemort encouraged violence in our culture, and sadly, entirely too many people answered that call gleefully.

The pandemic set everyone’s nerves on edge, which didn’t help.

SO ~ Let’s hear what Tal Ben Sharar has to say. From personal experience, I know that part of healing is also toughening up.

The dark side of happiness can also mean, not giving a shit about those ghosts and other assorted nasty anonymous creatures who lurk in the shadows.

Okay, enough out of me. I’m going to go write for Medium, Elephant Journal and a Linkedin Newsletter to talk about five ways to do something.

The business makers really do like their measurable moments. ‘Tis the nature of the beast.


Cheers to all the stronger people who are already “not fragile” but then again, I did craft a painting (still available on ETSY BTW) that reads,

“She’s not fragile like a flower, she’s fragile like a bomb”

Acrylic on Canvas … the color is a bit off though. But I digress.

If you don’t get my great love of all things Monty Python humor … you will not understand why that’s funny.


@happinessnoir @inkhoneypub

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