All the F’s given at once


Don’t like the anticipation of the f-bombs? Do they make you uncomfortable?

Tom Hardy, Esquire Magazine

Don’t go on Tik Tok if you’re put off by F-Bombs. Or, say that you’re a fan of Brene Brown. Or Evy Poumpouras. Or Lisa Bilyeu. Or Helen Mirren. Tom Hardy. A majority of the Marvel Universe. It’s a long list. All genders. It’s a personal decision.

The thing is ~ people are totally FINE with males using the F-word but are completely insulted when women do. It seems that double standards are trending more, now than ever. An interesting twist from the #MeToo movement.

I’ve seen three (3) big name people in the psychology industry (all male) publish books having to do with ‘toughening up’ or ‘how to disrupt the discord’ (that one actually almost got fired for sexually harassing his students and the other two are his friends). The third is currently active on Twitter … mocking people who are changing their identity and asking for respect.

He’s mocking their change.

They will each pull in $100K per speaking engagement. They will each make an easy 7-figures on their books. They will each be quoted and fawned over by all genders as “geniuses” when in truth?

It’s their marketing strategy rather than their integrity or actual work … They launch each other into the fame and fortune of the psychology industry.

Make no mistake. With many billions of dollars being made, it is an industry, and not a not-for-profit. Those days are long gone.

Tom Hardy once said, “If people are really nice and happy all the time, you want to watch out for the darkness in them. But, if people are dark, there is also going to be light inside them ’cause they’re probably pretty nice people.”

Speaking of the dark in the light and the light in the dark ~ we all have both. Some use their light to create more darkness in the lives of others while some, are dark but have a light in them that perhaps, is full of pain.

F-bombs are the very least of our worries.

Or, is it just because I’m a woman who throws the words around?

Is it because your ears don’t like hearing f’s?

Fudge. Freak. Folly. Forever. Fork. Frogs.

What about …

Fight. Flight. Freeze. Fawn. Finances.

I mean, that’s what I was talking about. What was on your mind?

Was it that Nana on Tik Tok who has 1/2 a million followers who tune in every day just to hear her drop the f-bomb?

MANY of you …. and you know who you are … are absolutely beside yourselves with offense at the very idea that someone (like me or Nana) would use the F-word in a public forum, and yet …

You don’t think twice about endorsing a dude who actually sexually harassed his students, mocked people who were heavy (overweight) on his social media platform and dropped triple the F’s in not only his classrooms but also in his Ted talk.

Double standard much?

Oh yeah …. a complete double standard.

What should women do about this when it’s also women who are protecting this fragile fellow from the big bad criticism of the middle aged mom jean wearing “lady with a blog”?

This is all metaphorical of course.

I’m a bit cynical after reading the testimonies of 16,000 people who experienced sexual assault and sexual violence ~ people from my own field in the #MeTooPhD pages, over the last couple of days.

I’m a researcher too. I read. A lot.

And … I’m a lot frustrated with a life time of exposure to people who on the one hand want women to be demure, polite, nice to everyone, smile always, and look the other way while men in power dominate, bully, and push around their victims.


The double standard we all know is there, but many (most?) are willing to ignore it as long as there’s something in it for them.

Well behaved women rarely make history but they do get to keep their jobs, feed their families and stay in a nice safe life.

Society doesn’t usually want to clap for your success until they are sure you’ve already made it. Then? Duck it. Just go for it. Say whatever you want.

Photo by Ivan Rebic on

I was talking about the 4-F’s of response to trauma by the way. There is always a back story to a meme. There is always more than the meme cares to share. And yet, someone, somewhere will argue with you. So you might as well say what you mean and mean what you say.

I mean, women are more traumatized by society today. Statistically speaking and experientially speaking, those who are the creators of life are always on the attack.

Even women in power. Even women who survived something they don’t talk about in order to preserve their place in the world.

Drop the F-bomb?

  • It depends on your status now doesn’t it.
  • It depends on your location. It depends on which of the social media platforms you’re on.
  • It depends on whom or what has power over you.

Nana the cussin’ wonder didn’t have 500,000 followers at first. She’s cultivated that.

There is also a generational gap in what, where, why, how and who gets away with cussin’ in public.

Me? I’m tired. Tired of hypocrites who are self serving their own career. What they say in public is a complete 180 from what they say to someone in private that they consider unworthy of their honesty.

I love listening to honest people.

I respect someone who is telling the truth, even if what they are saying makes me uncomfortable.

I don’t know what triggers you, but pathological lying is the biggest trigger for me. Surrounded by it my whole life has created a pain point that I know I have to live with every day.

But I know what it is. And, I can 95% of the time, know when I’m being lied to. It’s all in the nuances.

It’s all in the empath, strong sense-type side. There’s more to that than a short blog. I used to teach personality types and personality theory so speak from experience.

Do you know what triggers you?

Maybe the f-bomb does. It’s nobody’s business to judge you for it. Perhaps you had a belligerent mate or parent who cussed at you all the time when you were a kid. Maybe you had a strict upbringing where some stuff could slide, but cussing wasn’t one of them.

We all come to the table of humanity with our light and our darkness.

What I’m saying is … why do we have to define ourselves by our behavior when that is only one part of the whole package? Women in particular have been told to “behave” or “not behave”.

It’s no longer relevant to the conversation. I love love love that our younger generations are taking that stand.

So ~ while the mid to old guard are telling us who we are, we are out here telling them,

That’s for us to decide. It’s nobody’s business. Or, as Tom Hardy said in that now infamous interview, “Are you asking me about my sexuality?”, When a reporter asked him if he was gay. Then he didn’t let the guy finish, but instead followed up with, “Why?” ~ putting the invasion of privacy in it’s place.

I’m not here to decide who you are and it’s not my job or interest to tell you who to be.

Be You. The World Will Adjust.


@happinessnoir @inkhoneypub

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