There’s ‘negative’ and then there’s ‘negative’

google image I Stand With Ukraine ~ ’cause I flipping can’t stand bullies and abusers.

I’m thinking about the dark side of happiness as I write about the positive and negatives today.

As the WORLD is standing with Ukraine as an abusive baby man is trying to take a country that isn’t his, there are also people out there who are posting “Stay Positive” signs.

That’s all fine and good, but for Forks sake ~ read the room!

While Max from Dancing with the Stars is posting the atrocities of war as he and his millions of countrymen are hiding in bathtubs or getting killed as BABIES with cancer ~ there are people here in my own country saying, “that’s not my problem” and, “just be positive”.

There aren’t enough forks in the world to tell the MISplaced positivity where to go.

Some of the most positive people in the world are actually just gaslighting everyone they talk to, in person and their careers.

Others are cynical, cranky and spoiled in how they view the world.

Some people are negative but don’t realize they are. Every time a young woman calls herself a feminist, then turns around and calls some random older woman a ‘karen’ for having the audacity to be an “old lady”.

Others just LOVE to hate. Some just LOVE to be unhappy all the time. They can’t help themselves. Everything is bad. Everything is toxic. Everything is broken. The world is going to hell in a hand basket. They say things like,

“Thank God it’s Friday” and “Hump Day” are both negative and yet, useful for people who would rather be home than at work.

Upon hearing that someone was traumatized or abused on any level, your first unsolicited offer of advice is, “Well, think positive thoughts and you’ll get through this” followed by walking away, never to be heard from again ~ negative. Very, very negative. You just knowingly reaffirmed the trauma and the fault of the victim.

Blaming and shaming anyone who was traumatized by any and all things ~ a negative.

Telling someone to, “Stay strong” without backing that up with your time or energy ~ a negative.

Insisting that someone shrinks themselves so you will be more comfortable ~ a negative.

Asking someone why they are still sad over a bad life experience without giving any thought to the grieving process ~ a negative.

A negative emotion is sometimes called for. That doesn’t mean someone isn’t cognitively aware of their emotions.

A positive emotion is sometimes called for, but that doesn’t mean that the person is choosing it on purpose either. It can be something they were raised with, or born with.

Eternal optimism has it’s place in the world.

Pessimisms do too. It’s hard to be around a pessimist. Someone who only ever doesn’t see the good in people, places or things. Someone who is depressed or chronically suffering will over time, become pessimistic. They can’t help it.

Until they help it.

There is healthy optimism and then, there is fake optimism.

We see more of the fake stuff on social media than any of us realize.

If someone is always smiling all the time, does that mean they are actually healthy or happy? Maybe. But it can also mean they are unconsciously countering their severe anxiety. It could also mean that they are trying to sell you something.

Biggest pet peeve with Linked-in. We invite the world to link so we can get to know the world, then get flooded with spam from those people, trying to sell us something.

I think it’s a negative to put yourself out there as a “really great guy” then, take advantage of and abuse the people who are managed, taught, or lead by your leadership.

I think it’s a negative to spread gossip about someone you know nothing about, simply to have something to talk about in your coffee shops.

I think it’s a really shitty thing to invalidate people’s feelings ~ knowing you are doing it ~ just because you are not comfortable with their difficulties.

Look at how many people justify or explain away the houseless problem in our country right now.

Look at how many people justify, shame, blame or explain away rape, violence against females, and abuse by way of domestic violence.

If you’re looking away ~ that’s a negative.

You don’t have to help everyone. That’s not possible.

But don’t make “positivity” the only course of healing when it’s not the right course of healing.

Again, and I’ll say this in every post if I have to ~ “positivity” is NOT the same as “positive psychology” ~ it makes me sort of mental to hear it being sold as such.

Actual positive psychology is the study of the whole person with measurable, tested, proven outcomes of how having a proactive mindset can help the healing to happen at a more expitied rate.

Last thing ~

Since I’ve been in three different fields ~ higher education ~ psychology ~ writing ~ for over twenty years now ~ I say this with both lived experience and a whole global awareness of the science behind my words …

There is more than one discipline that addresses our lived experience as a human being AND most important ~ (shouty caps time)

CULTURAL DIVERSITY MATTERS

when it comes to understanding how unique individuals, communities and different demographics approach all of what it is to be human.

In other words, what’s good for the ‘middle-to-upper-socioeconomic-EuroAmerican-White-Male is not always good for the greater good. A majority of the base theories of the field of psychology are

  1. Relatively new compared to Eastern practices and various philosophies (around 150 yrs old)
  2. created by white dudes with white dues in mind
  3. A great deal of the research coming out of colleges and universities are using 18-19 year old freshman as their sample size. I know this because I was forced to add my students to the list of possible samples in trade for their grade.

With that said, I promised myself NOT to make this page a psychology/higher ed/researcher page but instead to speak to humans about being human, using NON-academic shit when I write.

Nothing says “I’m out of touch with Main Street” faster than circling back to my former life in academia.

This is a writer adventure ~ please remind me if I venture from the path.

Bottom line

NOT all positives are positive for all.

NOT all negatives are negative.

Last thing today ~ ’cause it’s HEAVY on my mind ~

If you’ve read anything I write, you’ll know that I detest bullies.

gif art on Diegodrawsart

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