“Make Me”

This idea that we can “make” anyone ~ anything is a myth. Sort of.

From the pages of Becoming Unbusy.

I’m at a stage in my life where I know that an un-busy life is most appealing to me. I’ve done my battle cry for decades. Now, it’s someone else’s turn.

I’m uninterested in small, petty people while the world slips by. It’s time to write my own meme’s rather than be influenced by others.

I just saw two polar opposite memes. Which one is right? Sort of … both of them?

One said, “If you want to be successful, make everyone in the room feel seen”

The other said, “We can’t MAKE anyone, anything. Their response is their business. Our responsibility is to be authentically ourselves”

So which is it?

Can we MAKE someone like, act, be, think, do? Or, do we just show up in hopes that the “right people” come along?

I’m witnessing in live-time (we all are) a super popular “rebel” dude (I’m leaving profession out of this on purpose), make serious cash off vastly fireable offenses against people who were his subordinates.

The ‘dude’ not only got creepy inappropriate with the young women, who then tried to sue him, but he scared the college with a bigger law suit, who backed down, then let him keep his job!

In forty years of adulthood, none of it makes me react with shock. When I read about it, I wasn’t shocked. Rarely am I shocked anymore. I was furious. I AM furious.

Where was Title IX?

Title IX was silenced by the college. I could list a dozen schools who silence women so they can keep their funding.

I’ve seen it in every job and community I’ve been in. They get away with it because these ‘influencers’ are both bullies AND charming.

The myth that the “bad boy” is the most alluring is just that. A myth.

That’s a now, outdated trope that needs to go away.

It’s more like, who is the biggest sociopathic narcissist in the room? Con men and power hungry who bully or cry their way to the top. *not an actual diagnosis btw*.

Do you know how much unethical sexual abuse and sexual harassment goes on in higher education? Or in the tourist industry? Or in the banking systems of the world? Or in Hollywood. Name an industry, there is abuse.

Name one, I know you know. If you don’t know, you are under a rock. It’s everywhere.

When women *usually women, but not always* speak up or out ~ they are first, pushed back down and then, ridiculed, until they back down or their careers are ruined. Oh yeah, other women will absolutely take part in that.

Women may have circles but they can also be terrible to other women NOT in their circle.

Try surviving while living in The Stepford Wives! (1974 or 2004 versions).

Try being a woman in a world full of 9-To-5 Suppression (but most of you are too young to remember that great movie).

Know what the first offense against the brave women who speak up is?

They are verbally cast onto the flaming pyre of gossip poo. They are called, “crazy” and “whore” while the gossip that says, “She’s full of shit” and, “She’s making shit up”.

How could she possibly know how to survive that?

Easy.

She is the one who survived that abuse in the first place.

Nobody wants to talk about a survivor’s tale, but they sure are obsessed with the gritty details of a violent rape, aren’t they. Yeah. The news is super creepy invasive in trying to get the details. Fecking perverts.

There is no dignity or respect given to survivors.

Until a powerful person like Arianna Huffington or Oprah, stands next to her. Then, her path is cleared for her story to be told.

Do we mind our own business, like Byron Katie suggests? It would be lovely if everyone did but it seems that the world turned toward the opposite of that during the pandemic.

Does anyone fact check anymore? It also seems that this isn’t as important as your likes and scandalous story first, facts optional method.

Just look at how EASY it is for people to spread lies around about you. It’s easier still when their captive audience gladly believes it.

Can anyone turn that around?

No.

But, it’s not too late to change the ending to that nightmare story.

So?

Can we MAKE ourselves miserable by trying to fight against a machine of a society that is too big for us to stand up to?

Yes. We can. But, we can also make ourselves happier and whole again.

Simply, stop resisting, then take another approach to how we get our message out there.

Look at what Reese Witherspoon, Steve Carrell and Jennifer Anniston did to address the Matt Lauer sex scandal. If you haven’t seen The Morning Show, go watch it.

Along with the movie Tess (1979 movie about a single mother who was destroyed by society). It’s not irrelevant and as a matter of fact, is very much how our system treats impoverished single moms today. She HAS to be a warrior of a woman to survive both poverty AND single parenthood.

Can anyone MAKE us like them?

Sure. Master manipulators know exactly what they’re doing. Every one of the narcissists discussed in our now vocalized social media information highway are experts at master manipulation … aka,

“make me like you” syndrome.

We can’t MAKE someone do anything unless we are also threatening their life. What we can do ~ is manipulate and twist ourselves into a likable person.

Politicians, celebrity ~ well anyone and usually, leaders ~ get into those roles because they are likable.

Or terrifying.

It’s a fine line and interesting realization that a majority of people can be manipulated by posers.

However, we sing, “Truth, honesty and integrity” for all, while judging, speculating and misunderstanding everyone. Unless they are beautiful, wealthy and/or well connected.

That seems to be the formula for “make me”.

Evy Poumpouras (Becoming Bulletproof) spoke of the likability factor of the Presidents she served as their Secret Service agent. She observed. And, the other point she made was to hold onto your own sense of authenticity. She wasn’t talking specifically about likability or influencers, but instead about being so secure in your own sense of self, that nothing around you will sway you from who you are at your core being.

Can anyone MAKE you like or dislike this blog? No. But I sure hope you got something out of it. My master manipulation techniques suck. And, my face is so animated when I speak, I can’t play poker. But be careful out there, ’cause there are people who are playing you. If you are manipulation free, be aware, that makes you the perfect target.

As for the sexual harassment and sex abuse cases around the world? I’m glad that there are organizations like Our Voice here in Asheville, North Carolina (my base camp when I’m not traveling) or the national organizations such as RAINN and Victim Connect Resource Center.

I make myself. I create my own universe. We all do. Each of us has a lens upon which we rely to tell us how to navigate the world.

I walked away from a world that didn’t live up to my own idea of what makes life worth living.

I’ve never been in your competition to be seen, or heard, or understood.

I only compare my life in the past to my life in the future. Our lives are not about other people.

As we grow older though, we know we are successful when we also lean in to the release of the need to fight for our rights.

In that release, comes the freedom of self.

KH

@happinessnoir @inkhoneypub

henryhealing.com


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