Life is hard enough but when you’re a single Mom, it’s damn near impossible. She is the strongest woman you’ll ever meet.
I’m writing over on Elephant Journal today in my grassroots efforts to foster and cultivate a community of those of us who are on the other side of parenthood and partnership for those who have yet to experience the firsts in life.
I’m also just cracking open a grant ~ what I do for a living (mental health coaching) should be available for all populations ~ not just those who can easily pay $100-$10,000 out of pocket.
Not to be a feminist or anything (god forbid, right?) but right now, I have too many tabs open with one singular thought ~ get it all done in the time frame you have ~ with few to no distractions.
I mean, look at the accomplishments of some people, like our new impending judge. What an impressive resume!
How did she raise two kids, pretty close in age while also accomplishing all that she did.
It makes me feel sort of like a potato.
I’m in my 26th year as a public school Mom.
I tried joining the local PTA once or twice but the SAHM’s were so truly awful with their elitism, entitlement and group-think-Mean-Girl attitudes that I gave up quickly. I was a systemic mom for so long, some of the younger ones were still in high school or college when I had my eldest one ~ they had no idea that the old guard Mean Girls had been at it for a long while.
While they were brunching, lunching, running in packs and drinking copious amounts of liquor, I was working full time, raising my children solo, attending graduate school part time and working toward a white collared professional job ’cause I was brain washed into thinking it was somehow ‘better’ than running a restaurant in a tourist town ~ (with the help of my mom and my kid’s Disney dads) ~ ya ~ two different tries at that marriage thing ~ a decade apart but somehow, also the exact same person in different bodies.
But this isn’t about that.
This is about being the solo decision maker, while also standing strong in your convictions while also making decisions based solely on your own merit in a world that is constantly telling you what to do, who to be, how to dress, what to do for a living, where to live, how much to earn, and/or spend.
And if anything happens to your kids, you are the first to be blamed. Followed by shamed. Of course.
Because of a shitty research article published in the 1960’s followed by bad copy cat research, single moms are ALWAYS to blame for how our kids turn out.
Now that we are empty nesters or almost empty nesters ~ we’re being called Karens with glee by people who don’t think twice about insulting and belittling middle aged women who already spent a life time being belittled and devalued by society.
Solo Moms who are ready to launch into their new life after years (decades) of abuse ~ are finding themselves rebelling on a grand scale.
We are also being told how “strong” we are for putting up with it.
How about just stop being shitty to moms in general?
What about being a good human when you see an overworked tired middle aged woman in the wild?
Then of course, there are those of you who would rather power on your phone to record anyone’s distress rather than intervene in order to defuse a heightened tension.
Where are all the citizens who know how to calm people down?
Is this coffee’s fault?
I see a LOT of people convening in coffee houses or fast food joints while someone is being terrible.
Caffeine (stimulants are still a drug)?
Crap food (poor nutrient food is bad for the brain)?
Stess and anxiety at an all time high ~ we add to it by what we consume.
Consuming caffeine, poor nutrition, gossip, toxic locations, out-of-balance lives, and consumerism ~ all of it is bad for us.
Then, we have parenting in a world filled with literal war, tension and financial insecurity all around us.
IF you are a parent but hire nannies to care for (ahem, raise) your children through your ambitious work life, ~ don’t you also give credit to the nannies who raised them, taught them how to human, then, comforted them when they missed you? I think yes.
I knew SAHM’s and academics who left their kids in day care for 10 hours a day on a matter of cocktail parties and networking came before raising children. I once walked away from a job where I had a proper leadership title but they expected me to stay at work for 11 hours a day ~ and told me that I could hire a babysitter to pick my then 5th grader and toddler up to watch them while I worked. They only paid me $35,000 a year, meaning, I was working for LESS than minimum wage! They also told me to bring my children to work, where there were extremely violent people who didn’t have control of their physical rants, and would run around the building, throwing things AT the most vulnerable people in our population. BUT, they refused to medicate the violent ones, knowing the gentle ones were getting punched ~ daily.
Sure, I was going to bring my 2 year old into that environment~ Um. No.
Then, they were shocked and outraged when I put my girls first. I went back to serving food 4-nights a week, making more money in half the time. I gave up the meaningless job for family.
Always did. Always will. Those poor f’ing kids.
There is no balance in parenthood.
Parents in pairs have it easier.
Single Moms ~ YOu’ve got this. I see you. I used to be you. I appreciate your hard work and effort.
There’s no question to be answered, nor is there a point to any of this other than ~
Every once in a while, single moms need to be reminded that they are extraordinary ~ and we love them ~ just as you are.