334 Days of Change: Tits Up Ladies

Society really can just suck sometimes. Then again, some very creative people have found a way to help us to laugh through it all. Schitt’s Creek and The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel have done just that.

These two shows offer the best of many places. Women in history ~ Humor ~ Rural vs. City life ~ turning tragedy into comedy … finding love after a fall out. It’s a long list.

Something to start the day. It’s a weird place to be in this human experience across the lifetime while also being a little beyond midway point.

Schitt’s Creek, Alexis

We are subjected to SO MANY opinions about how we are supposed to live our lives, but in every case, with the exception of a few, each person sharing their opinion is doing so from their lens.

All those memes we see to ‘perk up’ were created by people who may or may not know your life experience.

Each one of us can only guess that their wisdom will reach the lives of others. If I ever drop some of that, I do so consciously thinking about how my words will meet some but not others. Others will argue with it.

It’s a weird thing, this one way conversation we’re calling our ‘social’ media. Most engagement is actually arguing. You can comment on supporting one person, while someone else takes offense. You can ask a question that the OG poster thinks is an attack on their character.

Perception is at the bottom of all of it.

Engagement these days is either 100% cheerleader fully agreeing with the people online OR, 100% enemy territory, watching out for pitfalls and land mines.

Then there are some who learned their lesson and stay out of everything for their own sense of peace. They ignore ALL the drama entirely. Not because of some moral high ground, but because they don’t want to ‘get into it. They recognize that the engagement doesn’t contribute positively toward their lives and their ego doesn’t need the adrenaline high from being recognized. They choose peace and happiness over someone else’s drama.

The fourth group of people? They don’t have the social cues required to navigate or interpret online low brow banter. They aren’t trying to offend anyone, they simply don’t read into things w/emotions at all.

We are reading it [social media] through our own brain and how our brain hears it. All of it.

The dopamine hits and endorphin rush is running and screaming through each and every scroll-fest like a bunch of teenagers on a wild night out, when their parents aren’t home.

One person may be living with trauma (for example) so, they are highly sensitive to everything. As much as I’m on social media primarily for work ~ it’s because I have to decide to choose it. I’d rather not participate in any of it. I like the calm so work hard at seeking that calm. Most trauma survivors do, post-healing.

As someone who lived for three decades in a place where bullying and gossip were a way of life, it was a nightmare. I didn’t have friends. I had frienamies. Five times in my post divorce-apocalyptic traumatized life, women who I thought were friends, invited me to coffee, asked me all sorts of details about what happened as if they cared, then abruptly ghosted me.

They contributed to the nightmare in ways the total strangers never did.

They were worse than most, because they put themselves out there as really caring people. They believe themselves to be really good people. Domestic violence doesn’t just happen in the home. It also happens in communities.

They didn’t care. It was a lot like living in a social media page dedicated to destroying all middle aged women by calling them karen, trying to humiliate and destroy their lives. If you’ve never seen one of those pages with millions of followers, they are pretty awful.

There is no doubt that some people (all genders) are terrible humans. But we also see women being provoked into losing it so the one with the camera is responsible.

The thing is ~ have you ever noticed how late night talk show hosts NEVER back down from their monologue or opinion ~ they NEVER get schooled that they are “not allowed to talk about that” … well, some are, then they retaliate with doubling down with what they have to say ~ why is that?

Because a majority of them are men. Because they will absolutely make it part of their monologue. Because their job as creatives is to point out the cruelty in our too cruel world by bringing it into the open.

BTW ~ society is currently telling women to speak their truth while also ripping them apart as the downfall of ALL the things. This duality is causing even more stress!

Women have been told to apologize TO the people who hurt her!

We are the punching bags to the point where even other women also devalue her. Is it funny? Fuck no. Do we have to find the humor in it? Hell yes.

The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel

The irony is, when you tell any of them that they really hurt you, they get mad that you are writing about it. They become outraged that you would share your story or feelings. This happens to women 75% MORE than men.

I’m not sorry that I talk about how much they hurt me, my life, my career and my family.

Gaslighting. Blaming and Shaming the victim of abuse and/or violence? Classic DV stuff.

Small towns are not your friend unless you are part of the ‘in group’.

Rural life IS Schitt’s Creek.

You need to find laughter where you can. It’s why people who live in rural areas laugh just a little bit louder when they watch shows like Green Acres (when I was a kid) or Schitt’s Creek today.

I’d love a remake of Green Acres. With all the relocating to the country … it’s back in fashion and very, very funny. Schitt’s Creek is a nod to that genre of humor. Slap stick, truly silly and wholesome.

And that is how you heal from trauma. Truly heal. You find the laughter.

  • You find people you can laugh with. You stay open to laughter in every situation.
  • You find your joy and seek to fill your day with meaningful, purposeful moments.
  • You have faith (no matter your belief system) that you and it will get better.
  • You put up boundaries and savor those who are pure and good at heart.

Nobody’s perfect and everyone makes mistakes ~ a LOT of grace needs to exist in today’s world. We need more of it. ALL humans have flaws. And courage.

When Dr. Brene Brown encourages us to conquer our fear by being vulnerable and honest with our experiences, she doesn’t talk about the reverb of that. Sometimes, life can get much worse before it gets better and some of us, will in fact, prefer to be alone than to ever have to experience that level of trauma ever again.

Tit’s Up always Mrs. Maisel!

You can watch it on Prime Video ~ do. Really, it’s that good.

That’s a line from The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel … which I highly recommend for anyone who needs a pick me up shot of inspiration.

KH @happinessnoir

p.s… do NOT google “Tits up” without also typing in the name of the show …. ’cause … that’s not what I wanted to see this early in the morning … I mean, if you like female anatomy and/or are a plastic surgeon … then, maybe … but otherwise …. boobs for breakfast is not my preferred wine!

**shared the tv reference in case you’ve never seen Schitt’s Creek**


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