Days of Change: Sculpt Your Life

You are not a block of clay. Or, are you? You get to sculpt your life into anything you want, at any point in your life. Create that life you want but first, clean house and dump the garbage.

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I start my daily practice by cleaning out everything from inboxes to junk drawers to human garbage sending spam or harassment BS ~ all of it ~ gone.

By screening ALL comments, I only let a speckle through. Most of the time, I just sit here wondering how broken people are. Then, I practice using the DSM-5 on them all. It’s not a perfect system, but ~ that’s another blog for another day.

I don’t have too many followers or readers for that matter. I can’t imagine the full time job of a social media management team for big name celebrities.

There are some sick MoFo’s out there people. Sick. Twisted. Perverted and vial.

For a few years there, I was invited to be an Admin on a couple of pages in different career fields. It’s all volunteer stuff of course. The Facebook page, Positive Psychology (one of the OG’s) had about 5K members back then. Today there are too many to keep track of.

In the few years that I helped to keep the spam, crud and disgusting images away from it ~ playing Wack-A-Mole with the toxic negativity it attracted, it grew to over 100K members.

There were about 12 Admins at the time. Most of them were really nice academics who worked in the industry. The woman who started the page was sort of … edged out as significant. That was wrong but it happens a lot. The main 5-6 of us who monitored the page (this was FB at the time), spent hours a day keeping it clean and focused.

A few of the other Admins were there as guardians of the field of positive psychology. One of them has proven to just be a terrible person who absolutely wants happiness … for himself. He only jumped in when it was advantageous for his own career, or to ‘school’ others in the most condescending way possible.

No thank you.

He did none of the work, but took all of the glory.

If you’re old enough, you’ll remember that Jackson Five song, with the lyrics, “One bad apple doesn’t spoil a whole bunch of girls…” something like that. It was the 70’s 🙂

There are people like that in every industry. Including the business of happiness.

It does have a dark side after all. There’s always someone bossing everyone else around.

Others ignored him. But this isn’t about that arrogant SOB. I chose to ignore him. Others love him. That’s humanity for ya.

Photo by Sarah Acconcia on Pexels.com

Don’t give oxygen to the things you hate. Never let them take up real estate in your mind.

After giving thousands of hours to that volunteer job ~ with zero authentic appreciation for the service to others ~

I tapped out and left the page.

Then, I started tapping out and leaving every and anything that wasn’t going to fit in my life.

I scaled back, simplified, cut ties, unfriended, detached, and unfollowed to the point where, I was left with a minimalist simplicity that allowed me to heal myself.

Were they offended that I left?

Most likely not. I don’t think the big name people thought about it at all. They weren’t even paying attention.

They most likely replaced me within the day, without a second thought. Today, all these years later, they are even bigger names with bigger salaries and don’t seem to notice anyone who isn’t on that level of flowing money and 7-figure corporate careers.

I could have been there. Instead of here, on Walton’s Mountain, living the simple life with cats.

I could have ignored the concerns, seen the bigger picture of fame, and blocked out all the ugly for some flunky. I could have become one of them, if I had chosen that. I wasn’t willing to fawn and flatter them which apparently is how many people today are given the sweet jobs with big ticket speaking engagements.

I wasn’t a doe eyes TA or grad. student.

I was a 35-40 year old fully formed human so didn’t play the higher education game. The one where people flow into the school as “fresh meat”, then go on to rise to their graduate programs, to become minions to their professors, and then on to run classrooms and research.

It’s a system that flips researchers and academics without letting them out of the system.

Until recently.

There is a movement to diversify that. But that’s another story for another day ~

If I ever go back to work in the field, which would be nice since (fake stat here), 80% is more good than not, no matter what anyone tells you, I would do so in a position that focused on cleaning out the spam.

Spam is a nice word for the bad, and toxic shite that happens when people get too comfortable.

See, every system needs those people who are willing to clean up.

Society doesn’t respect the clean up and they certainly underestimate it.

The people willing to be the cleaners of everyone else’s mess are the people keeping us in a nice world.

For those out there holding down the fort, so to speak, the world is a better place because of you.

Women?

We have been the cleaners for decades. Once we hit middle age, we are no longer needed. A lot like the Admin job where I did a lot of the work, but they got all the credit.

Motherhood ~

Middle Managers ~

SAHM’s who need their husbands permission to buy a family car ~

Volunteers around the world ~

It’s a long list.

We don’t apologize or regret our lives. We learn from the experiences and move on to the next life lesson.

When women begin to stand in their own lives, they become highly selective with everything.

The people they give their time ~ To the things they care most about ~ to the way they decide what matters most.

Those others?

And I mean all of the others ~

They no longer hold significance or power over anything in her life.

She’s been through some stuff. Every one of the people who have had to clean up, scrap comment barnacles off the bottom of the blog, or clean out the toxic sludge, they are training for something so much better.

This was a long winded way to say this:

  1. Everything you’ve been through was preparing you for the next level.
  2. Never give attention or oxygen to the toxic, jack wagons who want to take up space in your brain.
  3. Put yourself first. Every time. No matter what they say. YOU deserve to be the leading lady of your own life.
  4. If something is causing you stress, anxiety or anger, stop doing it. Just walk away
  5. Every moment of your life is precious. If people are jerking you around, stand up for yourself. If they try it a second time, walk away. If you think there’s no way out of a bad situation, there always is.

As George Michael said, “You’ve got to have faith”.

Read Evy Poumpouras’ book Becoming Bulletproof. It helps. I have the audio, but will buy the paperback so I can highlight parts. I’m a nerd like that. I don’t apologize for it either. I WISH I had her Moxy!

No. Wait. I used to wish I had her moxy. Now, I do. 🙂 It only took me five and a half decades. But I got there.

Those of us who you call, “That lady with a blog” ~ are women who have lived through shite you can’t even imagine. We have survived shite that you could not.

We are creating the life we want with intention, purpose and meaning. If suffering happened along the way, then we are owning that too.

Here’s to you, my BossBabe clean up crew ~ I love how you’re making that an internal dialog.

Sculpt that life lady ~ you’re worth it.

KH

@happinessnoir


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