Days of change: “Trauma is a mental injury, not a mental illness”

Why do people hang on to trials? The legal system should. It’s their profession. The acting world is, it’s their colleagues (Amber and Johnny). The gossip tablets are, they will profit from the pain of others.

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

People in the psychology industries will. They will learn from how domestic violence is tried in court. One writer explained that she’s inspired by the trial to write a suspense.

The world is waking up to domestic violence (pre-pandemic, nobody was talking about it near enough) and narcissistic abuse (a term that is not an official diagnosis, but does describe a type w/clear characteristics).

But what about everybody else?

If you’ve never been on the receiving end of abuse or domestic violence, why are you so invested in the very public trials of two actors who clearly, abused each other.

Because you are in shock to watch such a toxic couple go at each other and you’ve never seen it before. Maybe because you can relate to it. MAYBE … you decided to turn their pain into your online platform to gain followers.

Some of you have been there while others? You have a crush on Johnny Depp so need his much younger ex wife to somehow be the villain.

Maybe you never thought of verbal, emotional, mental, psychological, financial or social abuse as abuse.

Maybe you’ve never heard of a trauma bond, or gaslighting, other than in the movies. Maybe you never had to spend your life protecting yourself from a psychological warfare in your own home.

Domestic violence is not just about physical violence. Though that happens too.

Some of you have lived through abuse and you’re just realizing that yes, wealthy people abuse each other too.

In the world of demographics, domestic violence is the great equalizer.

If you’ve never been pushed and pushed and pushed, or live with someone who was drunk all the time, how is it that you know from the sliver of a controlled environment like a courtroom, what their lives were like in an out of control chaos of a relationship?

That’s the thing. It’s very hard to describe without also sharing your own private life, when it’s humiliating to live under the shadow of that blanket of shame.

It’s easier to walk away from all of it. The two people trying to prove the other one is the abuser is a great American tragedy. That, IMO, is why everyone is watching.

Walk away. It’s easier and healthier.

The two actors who put each other on trial (was it their choice to make it public???) The American public is obsessed with suspense and crime drama. Even when it has to do with real people.

The ex football player who was accused of killing his wife and her friend

The pop star who took down her whole family and that family the relies on being known in order to be wealthy

People take ‘sides’ which reminds me of the 1600’s Witch trials and Medieval mob “off with her head” stuff.

This is the dark side of happiness. People LOVE to watch other people in pain. They are happiest when they are part of that ~ even if it’s just gossip and speculation.

The world watches them, then makes commentary as if they are suddenly experts in domestic violence. It’s not Game of Thrones, but the masses are treating it as if it is.

Photo by George Becker on Pexels.com

The ones I’m curious about?

The quiet ones who silently know by the nuances and subtle curve of a smile while telling of a great personal horror. The people not sharing their opinion on line, but instead, have a flashback to that incessant insidious behavior on the part of the partner.

The women who, to protect her children, scarified her dignity in exchange of protecting the children from having the horror of having to split time with a drunken or stoned person with a never ending stream of girlfriends.

She stayed silent to protect her children. She didn’t correct the gossip or try to prove herself right, as they ripped apart her last remaining shred of self love.

Not just from him, but from the legal system who wouldn’t take the day-to-day hell of a man’s actions into account when doling out visitation rights.

The therapists, counselors, and social workers who became what they do after a life of growing up in and around domestic violence. They wanted to make the world a better place for the next generation.

The legal system who actually understand the nuances of abusive relationships.

Trauma ~ the Body DOES Keep Score~ When we expose ourselves to it, we are absorbing it.

The trials we watch for entertainment ~ the war we have held onto for ‘news’ but have become fixated on the destruction of an entire country ~ for entertainment ~ the things we put into our brains ~

Those things will be there.

Our brains were not made to take on all of the horror of the world at the same time.

Violence is on the rise.

People on Proverbial Main St. are acting out the bad behaviors we are watching online.

Aggression is taking place everywhere online, so much more than in reality in our every day boring lives.

What are we giving oxygen to?

We are celebrating billionaires ~ over the top outwardly fake people who created an illusion of luxury while we work paycheck to paycheck.

We envy their greed.

We stay fixated on the violence. (We do it out of fear and a morbid fascination of shock value).

In truth?

Boring is a good goal.

Peace is a preferred state of being.

Safety and non-violence are a cherished hope.

Living a sweet, simple life with low key memorable moments.

Living in a regulated nervous system is the dream life.

Walk away.

The overly paraphrased misquote of Carl Jung, “We become what we think about”

… is in fact, mostly true.

We can change what we think about. We can even choose what we will stay focused on. We can’t decide what floats in or out of our thoughts, but we can redirect the toxic or negative thoughts back toward a positive.

Or, at least, a non-traumatizing one.

People are gonna do what people do. They have their reasons for what they watch or fixate on, or can’t look away from. If a topic is trending, more people flock to it to see what happens.

Human nature or conditioned response?

Why would someone who abused someone else, insist on holding on to the abuse? Why “prove” themselves? Deep seeded fear. A need to control. Long after the relationship broke up, they may want to continue to abuse and control the person who walked away from them. They felt entitled to the abuse the first time, so they think they are entitled to continue abusing that person.

When a dude takes a punch at you, or screams in your face, or bleeds you dry of your finances until you are a basket case of social, emotional and fiscal fragility, then they abuse your animals when they can’t reach you anymore ~ you walk away from him.

IF you are a survivor of abuse, don’t watch the Pirate actor/Acqua woman trial. It’s diminishing and trivializing actual normal human DV … and a huge trigger.

Once you’ve healed from abuse, don’t let it back into your life. Once you’ve sobered up, you have shifted your mind toward the understanding that you are a human who doesn’t need to fill a void with anything but sunshine and love.

Don’t go back to the bridge you blew up to keep the ‘bad guys’ on the other side while you walked away toward a happier, healthier life.

The dark side of happiness?

Some people really love how happy they are, living in the moment of chaos.

Others are happy, when they are hurting others.

Either way, happiness is not always healthy, whole or good for anybody.

So, this was an extra long blog ~ read it in pieces ~ or don’t … I’m not bossing you around.

Hope the nuggets help ~ hope you are on a healing journey and … I hope you are limiting your trauma intake.

Watch that YouTube …. its VERY informative!

KH

@happinessnoir.

OH ~ and for you ~ as a guide if you are or are not watching that trial. It’s sad for everyone.

*Click on the image to go to the source*

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s