Days of Change means, Change the Day ~ When we have healed from what hurt us ~ we have a new sense of self. Boundaries may be a brand new feeling for many people … especially if they put up with or tolerated emotional, verbal, financial and social abuse for so long, they forgot that it’s not normal.
SO ~ what do NEW boundaries feel like. Well … you’ll have to calibrate them.
Your boundary is yours. Others will continue to try to pass over or through them. Say no.
Hold your ground. (I know … more ‘war’ language). Developing a new skill takes practice. Preserving your sense of self and self-love are a new skill if others are continuing to insult your person.
Here are FIVE ways to manage that mischief in the interim when you are navigating a new you.
**Survivors of domestic violence and abuse/trauma work hard on this. People who never experienced trauma or abuse (at work or at home) have no idea what the mental/emotional/physical toll it takes on the body.
- Repeat after me (no matter what you’re thinking about when I say the word, ‘change’)
“So THAT happened!” ~ Acceptance … we can’t change other people and we can’t change what happened.
2. Now, as much as it’s a conversation diffuser or deflector in some cases, it’s a mental safety zone to say:
“It is what it is” ~
Making peace with ourselves means we give ourselves permission to change what we no longer permit.
YOU just accepted that the things you couldn’t change, won’t change ~ then you decided to own that YOU can change how you behave, think and live.
3. Make a list ~ what do you like, and want to keep? What don’t you like, and want to get rid of?
Garage sale your life. I’m talking about what you digest ~ media, social media, how you spend your time, where you live, who you spend time with, the places you go and the hobbies you hold onto. Think about all of it ~ keep what you love, dump what you hate.
Words of wisdom:
“Don’t keep doing shite that you hate” ~ Executive Coach who counsels others about how to be successful in business.
What I hated was listening to privileged executive coaches who have no clue about human suffering, telling suffering people who will never have what she had … how not to suffer. I also hated being told to “get over it” whenever a power hungry male in our field was pervvy with his underlings and/or students.
(here’s another tip) ~ No. Is a full sentence.
I will not get over misogyny or anything else that corrupts and hurts women and/or children. It’s a nope for me.
4. Develop a very clear idea of who you are. Be sure of it. Embrace your decision to be yourself.
5. **This one is the most important** ~ Do no harm, but take no shit. If you like to collect crystals, ’cause they make you happy, do it. If you have a belief system that doesn’t hurt others, pray/meditate dance to it. When you want to believe strictly in science, embrace it.
Just … do no harm in a world that is full of people harming others.
One of the hardest yet most liberating hurdles we leap over is remembering who we are, then showing up as our authentic selves.
People will and do push back all the time.
It’s up to you to let them or not.
Hoping you celebrate those boundaries today.