Renew or Review? 4th of July

This is the perfect time to review this blog … has it been a year?

Google: Image, map of the United States.

The map is a downloadable print of the United States. I added HEARTS where the American Counseling Association’s Counseling Compact is committed to the best practices and reciprocity for doing the work in counseling across state lines (I’m a HUGE fan).

The sad faces are in the states that want to or have taken away the reproductive rights of females, which also strips females of their body autonomy.

This is a living map …. the emoji’s and states are moving faster than covid-19 in 2020. And, if we’re not careful … it will kill just as many female human beings in the process of sanctimonious Holier than thou bullshit.

Humanity …. what has become of us?

I just got word from WordPress that I have to RENEW this domain and page within 30 days OR< let it go.

GREAT timing TBH …. ’cause I’ve been wondering where Happiness Noir is going.

WordPress message …. I have until August 3rd, 2022

Do I want to keep this blog? Turn it into something more productive? Shift …. ????

Do I even WANT to be in the education and psychology business anymore? Do I even want to align with the Christian religion anymore? Or, … do the destructive, toxic, dangerous ways of almost 1/2 this country who feel entitled to hurt the other half ~ make me want to go live somewhere that is safe, educated and less … pious?

It’s a very tough time ~ does living here bring me joy knowing that millions of others are suffering?

Honestly …. No.

I could so easily fade into the background. Delete ALL evidence of my online life and live happily ever after in the Blue Ridge Mountains, crafting fairy art or starting a lavender farm with fairy art. I would be happy.

Aunt Francis ~ Practical magic

Living my life with my cats and dog … minding my own business. Occasionally, popping into Vella to publish a story here and there. Sometimes, opening a newspaper, only to be triggered by the violence and hatred that seems to be trending online.

Wondering how it is that so many people are turning toward radical … anything …. when it’s all hype. Humans are playing off of each other’s emotions.

Fear or Pressure to be Happy.

Both … sort of suck.

Even here.

Review

When I started a rant about an egotistical professor who sexually harassed (got down right Pervvy) with his students, and I used the word, “fuck” a lot …. hundreds (not thousands or millions, but hundreds) of people started following my writing. Do you KNOW how many men abuse their power? The numbers are staggering. Take a look around the room you’re in.

1 in 4 females are sexually harassed, abused or violated. ONE in FOUR.

When I cleaned it up a bit and moved on to other topics … those same protectors of the pervert (who was and is an arrogant asshole to the extreme and a classic middle aged white dude who feels entitled to say and do anything he likes, regardless of who he hurts … a bi-product of a toxic work culture) … people stopped reading. When I stopped writing about someone they knew … they stopped reading. Do you WANT followers like that? I don’t.

When I started writing about advocacy work ~ supporting females & their right to body autonomy … crickets. People don’t care about the reproductive rights of other females. Not even kids. Not even rape victims or girls and women who were abused.

See, I don’t have a famous name or powerhouse wealth. I’m an average citizen. That makes me ordinary to people. I’m not a size 2 like Mel Robbins or Gabby Bernstein who deliver their motivational speaking rhetoric in a cute body … something people are VERY interested in. I’m no Halle Berry or Elizabeth Hurley who bank on having a slamming body, even after the age of 50. Something people are VERY interested in.

I’m not financially affluent … which BTW … IS something NOBODY is talking about. The positive psychology movement at it’s core, grows from an Ivy League school. They are majority white, privileged, affluent people who stay WELL connected to each other.

The trickle down is abundantly lining their pockets …. there’s nothing wrong with becoming wealthy from your work, but don’t pretend you can relate to those less fortunate.

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

I’m not well connected to the mafia of the academic world … I could have been. When I became an inaugural member of the IPPA, I was cuter, younger, blonder and made a lot of connections with powerful people … right away.

I call them that ’cause they will go for the jugular if you dare to question any part of their ‘positive psychology’. I watched them do it for years to other poor saps, before I spoke up about the practice … now … I’m the one who is ghosted. ONE particularly awful white middle aged dude actually had the audacity to mansplain to me on MY Linkedin page about why it was so offensive to use the word mansplain …. while he was doing it without any awareness of his own rudeness or entitlement.

I was studying happiness! I also had my intellectual property stollen by two of them … then diminished as ‘unworthy’ of their attention after they took MY ideas as their own …. which is just another form of rape. Take what they want … leave the OG in the dirt. The only thing that didn’t make me pursue a copyright infringement lawsuit was that my personal life was a shit show of trauma.

I had to let a LOT go. It was all at once, all at the same time. Letting go of everything weighing you down is all you can do.

Photo by Loe Moshkovska on Pexels.com

I suppose I could lose some weight ~ post provocative pictures ~ go back to blond and climb a mountain to gain followers … or leap into the air in a flowing red semi-opaque dress on a beach ~ to gain followers and finally put my openly honest account of what it’s like to live with cPTSD in the past ~ to gain followers.

I could use my white privilege to leverage followers or talk about my unique and special close relations who don’t have that luxury … because they are living their authentic lives as they are …. which is not without complications.

But I don’t. And I won’t. Maybe that’s what this blog should be about.

A science experiment. ?

Only you …. the dozen or so who read this …. will be in on it. CAN a middle aged, comfortably round, white lady named Karen …. flip her entire life in one year. Can she become an influencer through vapid, shallow halls of qualitative “lived experience” research and turn her entire world around?

I am nerd enough to try it and weird enough to write about it.

I have sat in countless seminars, classrooms, and trainings that taught people HOW to gain followers. It’s all the same thing.

Give the image of someone who is very charismatic and well liked. Be charming. Smile more … you’ll look pretty. They say. Use your own name, not some random name you come up with. Um, dude … my name is Karen. How do you think that’s going to go over?

I was going to call this blog Kvetching with Karen or, A Beach Called Karen … both would work if I was 100% okay with all the droves of strangers who think it’s funny to make fun of women who are clearly having a panic or anxiety attack. I don’t think it’s funny to target primarily women. Particularly women who are suffering from some sort of anxiety. Shit … haven’t you lost it sometimes? I know I have.

I won’t bash anyone. I don’t give names as a ‘tag’ for their friends or foes to follow me.

I don’t believe in using scandal for leverage either. Unless you’re talking about writing fiction, like Shonda Rhimes … then, I’d be down for it. Shondaland is brilliant.

I could go full on academic here.

?

Talk about the research in subjective well-being and ‘happiness’ studies that I worked in for years while my life and world fell apart.

I could talk about the trauma I survived after living in a living, breathing Stepford for 30 years. The disfunction and psychological cruelty were palpable. Not for everyone … just those of us unfortunate enough to have also survived domestic violence. That was fun. (she says sardonically).

Photo by u0110u1ea1t Nguyu1ec5n on Pexels.com

Maybe, I’ll be obedient to what’s expected of me … clean up my language, remove my tattoo’s and only talk about motherhood, cats, or other stereotypical middle aged white woman stuff. MAYBE … I’ll drop a bunch of weight, toss on the practical heals and pencil skirt, wear smart glasses and straighten my “wild” curly hair so I fit in to the pearl wearing set.

Except …. the dark side of happiness (happiness noir) is this

I am none of those things.

At 58, I am not going to be any of those things.

I’ve survived, thrived, cried, and had to hide ~ life is a unique roller coaster ride for some of us.

I never got the clubs and group-gatherings, and I’ve had awful experiences with female AND male bullies.

I studied happiness and worked my ass off on a PhD only to come up ONE semester short before my life imploded.

I don’t fit the suit of any particular group, nor do I have interest in trying any more on.

I know that the world needs visuals ~ and no more than 300-500 words …. even Instagram and TikTok are making 4-second clips now. FOUR seconds.

We are stunting the growth of our attention span. We are manipulating our own brains into not being able to pay attention. We are causing panic by constantly consuming negative and toxic war-language alll lllllllll damn day long.

I don’t even much care about fans or followers … follow or not. That’s your business.

If I can help someone realize they’re in an abusive relationship or that they don’t HAVE to do what everyone else expects of them … then, I’ll keep writing.

The meaning and purpose of one person’s life has nothing to do with anyone else’s life.

We have a calling for personalizing all that’s going on in the world.

Will I renew in 30 days?

I haven’t decided yet.

Will I continue to review … to see if it’s worth it to even stay online in social media?

Maybe.

Maybe not.

I haven’t decided yet.

Well then … this was a long post … and all but maybe 2 of you stopped reading somewhere around …. Kvetching with Karen … LOL

What do you think?

Go for it with the experiment OR, ditch it all and go create fairies in fairyland while hiking toward my happily ever after in my mountains?

I guess time will tell.

KH
@happinessnoir

Photo by Daisuke Fujita on Pexels.com

For those of us who prefer our own quiet company on these overly loud holidays …. I hope you have a tranquil day.

p.,s…. and this is important …. a MAJORITY of people in the positive psychology industry ~ worldwide … are VERY nice people … but like the Jackson 5 song said back in the 70’s …. one bad apple can spoil a whole bunch of academics.

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