Loving someone shouldn’t hurt

There’s a lot to say on that subject. Volumes and decades of research back to the dawn of time. The bottom line is, love is not supposed to hurt.

Image posted on @entertainmenttonight

I’ve so much empathy for this woman. And yet, why? Why should we all care if this one woman or any famous person we don’t know, is given a break.

I believe it’s because we can relate to that feeling of being unloved, or perhaps, misunderstood, or even … unjustly mistreated.

After 11 days of the world pummeling Meghan Markle for showing up after having the audacity to be honest in how she felt and what she put up with … I think I’ve become a fangirl of our young American Princess.

Talk about being stoic while living under the microscope of the critics and cruelty of the world. Prince Harry was right to take his life partner out of that mess to live in peace.

He didn’t want the job. That is not the point. He quit the family business. Being related to powerful people with gobs of money and absolute privilege. They live under a dome from the minute they are a fetus to well into eternity. Every move, every action, every word and every blink is scrutinized by the masses.

Each one is blamed for the atrocities or jubilees of the entire family. Each one is very wealthy but at what cost?

When most people decide what they want to do for a living, they don’t necessarily weigh in on who they want to be in alignment with.

To fall in love with one of the royals is to give up all rights to privacy. No wonder the young traumatized prince left that life. I can’t imagine thinking it’s worth it to live that way.

Obviously, William and Kate + their children are navigating it.

Charles has been a spoiled jerk since his childhood. We know this if we witnessed the way he felt entitled to just be a jack wagon to everyone all through his school years, young adult years onto his adulthood. I’m still not convinced that he won’t destroy the monarchy entirely, but … that’s probably because I was a fan of Dianas.

I’ll always be a fan of Diana, Princess of Wales. She knew her fate. She knew they would destroy her. And they did.

We’ve all seen the variation of the Medici family antics. Can you imagine being part of such a large firm? No thank you very much. Some of you might dream of such a thing, but not me.

A simple life sounds so much more appealing. With that said, our human curiosity about lives far removed from our own can help us to better understand who we are and why we’re here

I was hoping that the Queen would skip over Charles to give the crown to William. Many of us who were team Diana right up until her death in 1997 were hoping that.

Why should it change now?

Diana was only 19 years old when she married that baby man. He was in his 30’s and often blamed his mommy for being forced to marry her while he cheated on her for the entire marriage. Can you tell I have a bias and it’s not in favor of Charles. then again, I also know that my opinion doesn’t matter.

Today, the Brits are doing the same thing to Meghan that they did to Diana. IMO

She is standing strong, head up and as Mrs. Maisel said … “tits up”

That’s a survivor’s look.

Her dignity while under pressure far outweigh Charlie’s inherited title.

She is a queen right now. After 11 days of being there for her husband and for the Queen, and for her children … she is every woman who ever married into a family who treats her like she’s less than.

In truth, she is more than they will ever be.

She is being graceful, stylish, and emotionally strong.

The media are awful

The social media opinions … are mixed but also … whew!

I admire Harry and Meghan ~ Huzzah to them for showing up ~ standing strong ~ staying focused on Gran Gran and Her Majesty.

They are the ones to watch for the next decade.

I have predictions for Charles … but I’ll save that for Nostradamus

Oh … what does all of this have to do with love and hurting?

Harry & Meghan are in love. They are just a guy and a girl … they wanted a family, and they wanted to live happily ever after. All pretty main stream stuff. Very Hallmark movie of the week sort of stuff.

She is a typical outspoken younger generation woman who speaks her truth.

Her husband started speaking his truth as a way to help his fellow soldier companions with their mental health.

MY generation has ALWAYS tried to silence victims of trauma. They will hurt family members who speak out about their pain.

Why?

The answer comes from domestic violence research.

Love is NOT supposed to hurt.

And yet …. it is complicated far more than it has to be. We make it so.

Family gets involved. They push their opinions on us. Some families, like the royals, don’t seem to like Meghan.

(watch clips of how flirty Kate was with Harry before Meghan and then how distant and cold she was with him after Meghan). But that’s just speculative assumption … which detaches us from the fact that they are real people, living a real human experience. Something most of us can’t help but be curious about.

The same is true in normal families … whatever normal is. We don’t have to like our family members partners, but we can be polite. They don’t get a say in the relationship. What if you really love someone who the rest of the family hates? That’s tough stuff. You invite that stranger into the fold of the family events.

Happened all the time in my own family. Tolerating people during events really did put a damper on the events.

Couples are complicated. Relationships are complicated. Loving someone who doesn’t get along with your family or visa versa … is complicated.

There is no easy answer.

Now, put that person under a microscope to watch every twitch of her lip, or dart of her eye, captured in the moment … I can only HOPE that she and they don’t watch social media at all.

Photo by Josh Sorenson on Pexels.com

I know I try not to. Even if it is part of my job.

In every day families, it can be worked out. In royal and famous families … I imagine that would be a lot harder.

Would you be able to love, marry, raise a family, and live your life under a bubble of world wide social scrutiny?

I know it would take a LOT of work.

Me? I’m team Meghan and Harry. I love how hard they fight for each other and I hope for their sake, they can come back to the states soon, so they can continue to live their lives. I also hope that Harry and William will make up. All stories of love include a need and want for that love to triumph over all the challenges.

Here’s to hoping this large family will be able to live in peace. But then, knowing the history of the royals back to the original … have they ever?

As they say in The Hunger Games,

May the odds be in your favor

The Hunger Games

KH

Here’s to your mental health ~ your truth and vulnerability and to your ability to feel compassion and empathy toward others. They all are part of our human experience.

p.s… I know this is off the beaten track of the stuff I write about, but in truth, it’s also an opportunity for us to think about our own lives. And, for writers, what we write about. The subtleties and the nuances of relationships. They are rich soil for a complicated book family too.

WRITERS ~ Pay attention to all of it. Keep the characters you write as realistically imperfect as always.

HELPERS AND HEALING PROFESSIONALS ~ If you’re in the helping professions, use this family as a case study for your own biases … do you have an impartial alliance or non-commitment to anyone in particular? Why or why not?

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